My D19 is away at uni and lives with her BF now. She wants nothing to do with her dad due to things he has said and done to her. However the other two are different thing.
My S17 has lived with STBXH for over a year now. I originally asked H to have him for a week b/c his behaviour was becoming more than I could tolerate and I needed a break. He never came home and IMHO never will. For whatever reason his dad has some sort of hold over him. The last twice he was supposed to come to see me he has let me down literally 5 mins before he was due to arrive. No explanation. I suspect H has something to do with it but can't prove it.
D14 now spends half her time with H. He definately ut pressure on her to do this at a time when he knew she and I weren't getting along too well. Within 24hrs of getting her to agree he had put in claims for benefits that I was entitled to. This was in March and I'm still fighting for them back. Interestingly this will have been around the time that his OW found out that she was pregnant. So it would seem like I'm supposed to pay for his new baby as well as the ones he already has with me.
As for talking to your kids about this then you must give it a go. I only hope you have better success than me. Whatever you say to them and no matter how much you tell them you aren't trying to guilt trip them they will feel guilty.
You are spot on about them knowing that you are the stable parent in thier life. They know that no matter how much they hurt you you will always be there for them. HOWEVER there comes a point when you have to stand back and say ENOUGH. YOU are entitled to respect and love just as much if not more than their mother. I'm at that point now.
For me it is the silence in the house that I literally cannot stnad. O've just had a week off work. It was supposed to be to spend some quality time with my kids. They didn't want that so I've barely seen them. The week before they wnet on holiday with their dad. They said they didn't want to go but did anyway to please him. I wasn't afforded the same respect when I tired to book a holiday for us a few weeks ago. He blackmailed them by saying if they didn't go he and OW would miss out on a holiday. Interestingly he and OW have already been abraod twice this year. This holdiay was only to an English seaside resort. As it turns out the only person who has missed out on a holiday is me.
I'll be honest I'm backing away from children b/c it hurts too much to be constantly rejected by them. I hope you never find yourslef in that place.
Take care
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
