Need Advice, WAW wants to give it a month

[SDFoundGirl]

I was not the WAS in my M, my H was. That said, I did reach a point where I was not sexually attracted to my H any longer. That's changed a lot now...and the longer I've thought about it, the more I believe I was as close to being a WAS as my H was...he just called BS first.

Strangely, that's when my attraction to him returned.

So, what was it? I've seen a lot of threads on here lately talking about the lack of "manliness," and I think that's what it boiled down to. Our communication was messed up...my H would either roll over on anything I wanted (to avoid conflict...he comes from a D family that had a lot of fighting) or resort to calling me emotional or irrational. (Those were definite fighting words.) I felt like there was never any truth between us, as if we were jockeying for position.

I wanted to hear what my H wanted, but he mostly tried to give me what he thought *I* wanted, no matter what I'd said otherwise. This was done so that I would then "repay" him by doing things he wanted me to do, despite some pretty significant personal roadblocks on my part (social anxiety for most of my life).

This built resentment on his part...afterall, he was being a martyr and I wasn't giving him what he demanded. He didn't listen to me, just tried to push me, and so I fought back. I am definitely the stronger willed of the two of us, and H backed down always.

What made it different? Mostly the fact that my H has stepped up and started being honest about what he wants. We find compromises on things we disagree about, and we listen to and respect the needs of both parties. He isn't being silent and sulking (which is so girly...sorry, but it just is), he's being direct and clear (manly).

Where I think we still need to go is him being more...forceful isn't the right word for it, but something along those lines...when initiating lovemaking. If I'm tired from a long day and you really want to ML, then convince me. Delicate initiation is too easy to blow off. I'm thinking of what Thinker did recently with his W...I read that and thought, Dam*, now THAT'S what I'd like my H to do. That's the way he used to approach it when we were dating and first married. Know why that's a turn on for women? It makes us feel WANTED. Which is a huge thing (I think) for women with all of our weird body issues and societal baggage.

Now, I know if I want things to change, I'm going to have to step up and say something and make some changes myself. It's easier to do that now that our M is better and we genuinely respect and communicate with each other.

Respect from a woman is huge, and it's earned by being clear and firm about what's important to you...which doesn't mean making her give in all the time either. But don't roll over either, especially if by doing that you expect to get something else.

Don't know if this makes any sense. Hope it helps you out.

SD