Sorry Doc, things are going so rough. After reading your updates, I do understand your feelings. Things did seem to be a little better for a while. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. It does seem you have a lot of soul searching to do and detaching to see what you want to do. You have definitely tried to meet her in the middle.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon