Ok, he emailed me this am, I double-checked i'm going to pick them up tonight as usual and have them all weekend. He just emailed me back he meant he isn't going to pick them up tonight (???) but will pick them up after orientation tomorrow which makes sense. I sent back, yeah makes sense. Don't know how I was supposed to get that from what he emailed though!! So whew that's worked out. I guess the truth is he is trusting me to show up which of course I will do. The kids already aren't getting much notice, I wouldn't deprive them of meeting their teachers and helping them to find their way around and getting any info we need.
I emailed him if he wanted to meet us before the orientation and talk to the special ed teacher together, so she wouldn't have to talk to us two times. I said with all the kids there and chaos, it seems like the thing to do. But I said if he didn't want to do that, that's fine with me too. I'm so mature. Karen
Well interesting day. I started out last night (all night and morning) with the stomach flu and today was the 2 orientations for the kids. Not ideal. I went to the high school orientation and met the teachers. They are starting him out a half day with classes he should do well in : PE, an art class with sculpture and clay, and a reading class for kids that have low fcat scores. They use the Lexia software which I've heard great things about, and let them choose from different books to read. It's geared toward improving their standardized scores, but the teacher says he really wants to just work on their reading and has good intentions. That's temporary and then they will be getting him into their special ed classes asap for the rest of the day. I think it might actually work out for S15, and I'm surprised, b/c he is very autistic, but luckily he's big, like 6'3" and 160 or 170 pounds, so I think that will help socially too hopefully. I'm feeling good about that sitch for him.
Not so happy with D9's. Apparently she has to experience failure in the regular classroom before they will pull her out for the math, reading, and writing special ed classes that they say she does qualify for with testing. They said last year they would have pulled her out right away, but they have new procedures this year. Apparently some schools were using the special ed process to weed out kids doing poorly in the standardized testing, but not really special ed. So poor D9 has to suffer apparently. I told the assistant principal and H that I would agree to no more than 2 weeks without the special ed she needs. (H said something to me about how bad that I was issuing demands to her by saying that, and he thinks not political, but gee tough.) I plan to pull her out if they don't come through by then. She is so sweet and enthusiastic and self-confident, and I would hate to see that ruined.
Yup, H must think that its pretty bad that you are willing to stand up for your D!
It seems like you are playing their games rather nicely by giving them 2 weeks. Im sure that he just wants to fight you on everything. It seems like he and s15 would get along perfectly, since hes turned into a rebellious 15 y/o boy himself!
I hope that you can back away from the drama for the next few days and enjoy your weekend!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Yup, H must think that its pretty bad that you are willing to stand up for your D!
It seems like you are playing their games rather nicely by giving them 2 weeks.
Thanks so much for saying that, br! My primary goal is to do the best for the kids, although I know H's main focus is the $$, I try to just not think about that, but what's best for the kids. I do have a tendency to do what others want me to do, but I'm trying to be strong for the kids. I worry about putting D9 into that sitch, may not be good for her, but hopefully 2 weeks will not harm her too much, and that gives them a chance to do the right thing, which several have told me they are going to do. Well, if they do great, and if not, I'll pull her out.
I've also told S15 we will try high school for 3 months and at the time of the final hearing we will discuss how it's going, if he's happy with high school or mostly ok with it (nobody loves it all the time), then he will stick with that. If he's miserable as he was the first time in school, I told him I will fight for him to homeschool if that's what he wants.
I've started applying to school jobs in the area. Unfortunately, they've had tons of layoffs in this area the past year or 2, but you never know. I'll keep at it. I plan to volunteer at both schools also, so maybe somebody at one of the schools can help put in a good word for me. I would volunteer anyway though, I like to do that stuff anyway, but an extra benefit if that helps in anyway.
A weird thing about the day is we did sit together and interact as a family. We started out sitting on opposite sides of the kids on the one assembly. One thing that's weird, and I'm guessing it happens to everyone after 23 years together, is that when someone would make a joke or comment (about working for the schools you get to pick any school in the county!) we would look at each other and smile. Weird, huh. H always tries to act distant or angry when I'm around, had his book and blackberry constantly the first half hour or so. But I'm like a puppy my personality, so it's hard to do that I would think. So we actually got alone fine the rest of the time.
H tells me he had a talk with S15 about drugs/alcohol. I said oh I thought you had the other talk. He said sex? I said yeah. He said he hasn't. (S15 is developmentally delayed a couple years, but still at age of 12 or 13 year old and now starting high school so I think it's time.) I told him he has to do the talk with S15 and I do the one with S9 (in a few years). I said that's how it works. He said that's how it works huh? I said yep.
At the 2nd orientation, the kids started following H around and then I noticed I was kind of doing the same, hanging around him like I used to. at myself! I walked off in the direction of some other parents there, and started having some great chats. One was a female police officer, and turns out H came over and was frenemies with her (from how they acted). I am one of those people that will chat with anyone, but they were friendly back and everything. Then the kids started drifting over to me too, and I noticed H drifted over to us a couple times too. So feel good I broke that old dynamic up as much as I could.
They left before me and i went off to say hi to my friend that teaches there, and then ran into another friend and chatted with her too. H and kids were waiting for me in the parking lot, b/c I forgot their backpacks were in my car. (H has a spare key though so don't know why he didn't open it and help himself-I have no problems with that.) I apologized for forgetting their packs, but H was acting fine about it. No big upset over that. Probably still happy over getting his way with the kids. Karen
We watch "Secret Life of an American Teenager" on ABC Family, Monday nights. Maybe a little cheesy but it opens up the forum for talking about sex with the kids. Ex didn't talk to the boys until last year and even then didn't say much. I asked him are you ready to be a grandfather in a year? and that is what prompted him to have the talk.
I still can't believe your H is such an idiot to think just because the kids are in school, you will have a job. Hasn't he paid attention to what has been going on all around with layoffs and such? I guess just keep trying is all you can do.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
A girlfriend of mine was on the couch with her 7 year old when a Valtrex commercial came on, and he asked "Mom, whats genital herpes?" Still cracks me up!
I think that you just have to be honest with them! I dont envy the birds and the bees talks!
Do you think that your H will really do it, or will you end up doing it?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Karen, Just a thought, but instead of volunteering, why don't you sign up for substitute teaching? The district I'm in always has a hard time finding good subs. With your degree, they would jump on a chance to hire you as a sub. It is a way lots of teachers actually get a full time job in our district. Great way to to get your foot in the door.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Ok, night from hell. Still got a bit of the flu, but I pick up D9 at halfway point tonight. H tells me he's keeping S15 and will take him to school tomorrow and pick him up. I said I miss him, and he said something like well welcome to my world and I said Well, that was your choice, got in my car, so we didn't keep up the fight.
Then he drives off, I look at D9 and no glasses. So I sped down the highway and caught up with him and had to drive to his apt. to get D9's glasses. (Ironic huh?)
We found out school supplies for the kids orientation Friday, so he was supposed to get them for the kids this weekend. I gave him D9's list she got from the teacher. He tells me he just got S15's supplies, not D9's. I had to wait for him to sift through his car debris for a couple minutes till he found the list. Then had to take D9 to get school supplies at 8:00 at night before school starts. They didn't have all the supplies, but I got what I could and will get the rest tomorrow. He didn't give her dinner or a shower either, so I did that and just got her to bed! I was so po'd at him. I just emailed him he needs to email me about making changes with a bit of notice, and that D9 got sunburned earlier today (when she was with him and btw worse sunburn she's gotten in the past couple years!) and I wanted him to know for next time he sees her (so he won't be taking pictures again of her to prove my unfit parenting>) Told him that with her fair skin and Florida, sunburns sometimes happen even though I know both of us try to prevent them as much as we can. If I didn't have a place to vent here, I think my email to him would be something like *%#* you're a "*#@# or something like that! Karen
Dropped D9 off her first day of public school. She seemed ok. I hope she will be! At least her teacher seems nice and we told her she was ESE and trying to get services for her. So we'll see.
Yoyo, I might do that, but had a couple reasons for getting a full-time job. Better pay, stable schedule, haven't been in the classroom for 10+ years and wanted to warm up, benefits, I need to retake the certification exam for elem ed and want to take it for English too,etc. I just started applying with them about a week ago so we'll see how bad it is, I may have to substitute if that doesn't work out. I also applied to a classroom behavior specialist which is a new one since I've been there, but maybe my psych/ed background'll be good for that one.
I'm also going to be driving S15 I guess for the next month or 2 while he's in temp half-day schedule, so it's actually kind of good I'm not working yet. If I do get a job, H will have to do more driving hopefully.
So whew that's worked out. I guess the truth is he is trusting me to show up which of course I will do. The kids already aren't getting much notice, I wouldn't deprive them of meeting their teachers and helping them to find their way around and getting any info we need.
Karen
at myself! I walked off in the direction of some other parents there, and started having some great chats. One was a female police officer, and turns out H came over and was frenemies with her (from how they acted). 
Karen