Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

CP-Thanks for checking in. Computer was down for a bit and I haven't been up to writing.

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. H said Happy Anniversary this morning and was off to work til tomorrow. I made it through most of the day not thinking about it.

Not much has changed. I am living in limbo land and hate it. It mostly feels like I am in auto-pilot mode. If I allow myself to feel, I get down so I try not to.

I have yet to send the letter to OW's H. I keep going back and forth...not sure if it's the right thing to do or if I would be doing it for the wrong reasons.

I am trying to push my H out of my heart as much as possible. I don't know if I'm succeeding at all. I don't think it's God's will that we are apart but the possibility of us staying together seems impossible at times.

H has gone to extreme measures to keep me from seeing things. H got a lock for his computer case that my S saw this past week and told me about. I was infuriated and couldn't keep my mouth shut. Of course, H turns it around on me like it's such a shame he can't have a little privacy. Ironically, H said he got the lock a few weeks ago yet I hadn't tried to snoop therefore was unaware.

I have no news on his September trip to meet OW. I've eluded to it but he always denies. I think if it happens, it'll be a last minute excuse.