CP-Thanks for checking in. Computer was down for a bit and I haven't been up to writing.
Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. H said Happy Anniversary this morning and was off to work til tomorrow. I made it through most of the day not thinking about it.
Not much has changed. I am living in limbo land and hate it. It mostly feels like I am in auto-pilot mode. If I allow myself to feel, I get down so I try not to.
I have yet to send the letter to OW's H. I keep going back and forth...not sure if it's the right thing to do or if I would be doing it for the wrong reasons.
I am trying to push my H out of my heart as much as possible. I don't know if I'm succeeding at all. I don't think it's God's will that we are apart but the possibility of us staying together seems impossible at times.
H has gone to extreme measures to keep me from seeing things. H got a lock for his computer case that my S saw this past week and told me about. I was infuriated and couldn't keep my mouth shut. Of course, H turns it around on me like it's such a shame he can't have a little privacy. Ironically, H said he got the lock a few weeks ago yet I hadn't tried to snoop therefore was unaware.
I have no news on his September trip to meet OW. I've eluded to it but he always denies. I think if it happens, it'll be a last minute excuse.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Ashlee- Thanks for the update. I can so relate to your comment about God's will. I also feel it is God's will for my marriage to work and I struggle daily to hand that over to him. Not an easy task when your spouse is doing hurtful things and there is no consistent change for the better. I worry that it is going to be a long hall for both of us. Well, mine has already been over a year, but there's all the addiction stuff going on there.
I don't know what to tell you about the letter to OW H. I called and talked to the OW H in my case and he seemed concerned, etc, but now he and my H are friends and talking again. I think OW convinced him I was crazy and jealous of their friendship... not sure. So, I guess I am glad I did it because I felt I had information he did not and as her H he deserved to know. But, I also think I was expecting him to put an end to contact and that didn't happen at all. No regrets. Except, I wish I had kept some evidence of the exact content of the messages between the two so he would believe me.
It sounds like you work off a spiritual basis, so I say pray about it and see how you feel. Keep us posted on how you are even if you don't have anything great to say
Was getting ready to send out a search party for you. Thanks for checking in.
Just hang in there. I can relate to the limbo land part. I'm still there too. I have been focusing on my kids and myself. Finally detached. Things are easeir now, even though we have not resolved anything about the M, at least overtly.
H has gone to extreme measures to keep me from seeing things. H got a lock for his computer case that my S saw this past week and told me about. I was infuriated and couldn't keep my mouth shut. Of course, H turns it around on me like it's such a shame he can't have a little privacy. Ironically, H said he got the lock a few weeks ago yet I hadn't tried to snoop therefore was unaware.
Hi Ashley,
I would tell your husband "Privacy is wanting the door closed when you go to the bathroom. What you are doing is 'keeping secrets,' and it has no place in a marriage."
I think you should expose the affair to the OW's husband. There's a chance he already knows (or suspects), but he may not. Why should he be the ONLY one in the mix (of the four) that doesn't know the truth? He has a right to know it, and to make his own decisions accordingly for his own family, in my opinion.
I do agree OW's H has a right to know. For some reason I keep going round and round about it and I don't know exactly why.
GIMA- S is okay. Very, very mad at his dad. Unfortunately H does not do much to break down the barrier. H feels he's the parent and does not have to answer to S while S has little respect for H thus leaving them at odds. I hate watching their relationship deteriorate and step in when needed but H needs to man up and fix what he broke.
H is back on the "I'm so tired of living this way, I need to make a decision." This time, instead of telling him what has to be done (i.e. no contact with OW), I just said I don't know where I'm going to be(in reference to our M). H indicated he realizes that but needs to figure out what he's going to do.
I can feel that hope/desire to get things back on track rising but at the same time, I am keeping it at bay. The last time H did this I got ahead of myself and ended up falling hard.
I'm having a hard time with some of my friends. They really don't understand why I stay. I have tried to explain but I don't think they get it. Sometimes I feel they think I'm stupid for not leaving.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
During the Homily today, the Priest talked about the 10 Commandments, focusing on adultery. He said men tend to think adultery is only when a man is physically intimate with another woman. Not so, the Priest said. It is when a man shares things with another woman that he should only be sharing with his wife. He went on to talk about a husband's responsibilities to his family. Of course, H was not with me.
When I got home I told H about the Homily. H stops me after I said the Priest said men think adultery is when you are physically intimate. H says "Ah-ha! Told you." I said no, and finished the story. H responded with something to the effect of "What, did you get to the Priest too and fill his head with all that?"
I thought it was amusing!
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I'm having a hard time with some of my friends. They really don't understand why I stay. I have tried to explain but I don't think they get it. Sometimes I feel they think I'm stupid for not leaving.
Your friends are giving you support disguised as advice. They care for you and want you to stop hurting NOW. The quickest way to that is not necessarily the best thing for you and your family. Just don't confuse support with advice.
H asked me if I still wanted our M to work. I decided to be straight up, no playing games or being evasive, so I said yes, that is why I am still here. H said okay. I asked if that was it and H said yes, he is trying to stop (R with OW). I said nothing more. I am not going to throw demands at him at this point. Last time I did, it all went south and I got hurt.
I am not getting my hopes up, at least I'm trying not to. It keeps running through the back of my mind "Believe nothing they say and half of what they do."
H did rsvp for an event next month for both of us for his work (a promotional ceremony). I am hoping it is a good sign, maybe a baby step.
Either way, I will proceed with caution. There is such a long road ahead....all the twists and turns in store scare me to death.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
