Definitely won't be cranky, it has actually been a bit of a relief not having him here, because I haven't had the pressure of working out which personality was going to be coming home and I have been able to relax a little, doing a bit of DB re-reading, waiting for D to come home from babysitting.
It probably will take him by surprise if I ask which would actually be a 180 for me, cause I was usually always cranky and aloof when he came home from weekends jet skiing or after spending an entire sunday with his mates.
Oz ... look what I just found from Stronger ... it was lurking in someone else's blog and I just found it too good not to 'steal' it away and share - hopefully you won't need it yet but I know that I do, so I'm now practising these words as my new mantra for dealing with D talk:
S - "Counseling first, then we'll talk about divorce if that doesn't work".
WAS - "Well it won't! I want out! I want a D!"
S - "I understand. You've explained this to me before and again, I would like counseling so I can be as sure as you. This conversation is old, you always get so upset, so maybe you should stop bringing it up?"
Eventually, he did.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Just thinking though ... it's a while since my H has mentioned D. However, with his other threats, I could adapt this scenario, as could we all!
Glad that you are off out for some more pampering today - manicure and pedicure - you are pushing the boat out! This 'feeling good' will help you to deal with H in a far more tolerable way, when he gets home.
I have recently adopted the practise of putting on my best undies when I know that H is coming around. I know that it won't get me anywhere as he won't see them but it makes me feel good inside - and about myself. When he then goes on the attack, I think of my 'sexy self' and it keeps me calm and able to not react to his vitriolic comments. It certainly worked the last time he came over and he said that we had managed to be 'reasonable' together, despite that his parting shot was to disrupt the atmosphere ... thanks to some good advice here, I have a coping strategy for that next time, too! It's all coming together - now I just have to believe that it will work :o)
Today, I'm trying to pull myself out of the doldrums but it's not boding well. I'm gonna have a mooch about day ... I started re-arranging furniture but that didn't do it for me (it's still only just 7am and the cats are running for cover as they don't get what's going on)! I have therefore decided to stop that and do something more positive and work on clearing up in our office.
When H left, I threw things into boxes, moved his desk and it's all stayed that way since. I am going to clear that situation today - it's only something small but it will be enough to make an impact on him next week - I think! I'm also going to look for some of his things to place around the house (if there's any left that he hasn't taken with him) - he accused me of it looking like he didn't live here as there was no trace of him around the place. I am going to try to right that too (saying that, there's nothing much of me here either - it's all US stuff - you know, homemaking; pictures, photoframes and candles ... still, what there is, I am going to put away to emphasise that this is still HIS home, as much as it ever was.
Let me know how the 'homecoming' goes with your H and how you handle it - are you prepared? (((hugs and BIG support)))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
It is good reading other threads because you can usually find little snippets here and there that a good to keep in reserve for later. I hope I don't get to that point.
Well, H is coming home today from his little weekend partying or whatever.
So, because I don't know what time he is coming home I am off to get a pedi and mani, but I have made sure that I am dressed to kill, took extra care with the hair, smelling real good and have already put on my best "as if" attitude.
So here goes and let's see what today brings, feeling positive today which can only be a good thing.
Have a great day Eskimo, will check in on you later.
Sorry Eskimo you were writing as I was writing so just saw your new post.
I too put on the sexy undies, even if no one sees them, it does make you feel a lot better which I believe shows on the outside.
I hope it goes well today, but I have learn't not to expect too much, so I am prepared for it to go either way, that way I won't be disappointed if it doesn't go how I would hope it would.
Try to take some time for you today and yes it is important that he still sees signs of it being his home to, for that reason I have not divided my H's stuff from mine in the moving boxes, if he chooses to remove his stuff then that is his decision.
Have a good morning, I will check in again when I get home if H isn't here, if I can't check in I will be back later on.
Good luck! I shall be thinking about you as the day goes on and sending you some most positive vibes.
Don't know how the weather in Melbourne is today but knowing your Four Seasons in One Day, I can imagine it's much like here in Perth - freezing cold, dark and miserable - gloomy as. That's why it's amazing that you are in a positive mood to kick-start you into a day where you are in control of everything - and you had better believe that you are! The more I think on this, the more I think that we do have some control that we don't even know about. We just have to tap in to it and milk it for all it's worth!
You are so right - I read other people's posts and it's amazing the amount of support, knowledge, experience and people's willingness to share that is available. It's ours for the taking ...
Try to do your best today and I will catch up with you later. Knock him dead, mate :o)
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
He comes home, he says gee you are looking good, I said thanks and asked him if he had a good weekend - reply "just okay" he asked how mine was - my reply "great thanks".
He started following and asking what I did, where I had been etc etc. told me my nails looked good (never mentioned it before). I made a cup of tea, we sat and had a general chat about nothing really.
He then looks at me and says "something is different about you" I said what "physically", he said he couldn't say what it was, just I was different, relaxed looking, happy and looking sensational. He then turned and walked out to wash the car, I did a little hop skip and jump. He had been staring at me intently when he came home, he hasn't stared at me like that since we first met.
Oh, how exciting!!! How are you feeling ... ?? I have just read back to your first post and I really think that he is getting worried ... move out day is looming and even though he has somewhere to go, IMO I think that he his hedging his bets and will try to move in to the townhouse with you ... especially as you have packed all your things jointly and not his'n'hers. Am I just being too optimistic for you??
I don't want to give false hope - but it's kind of what I'm looking at ..... :o) As you know, I am no expert and I don't want to lead you toward a fall ... perhaps the DB experts will pull me up for saying these things but I'm just looking at what is there.
You are leaps ahead of my sitch, anyhow!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
