Hi H, How are you doing? Are you doing better? I hope so. Sorry I've been too mired in my current issues to reply to other postings. I hope you have family & friends to lean on now. Wishing you the best, LFA
Counseling first, then we'll talk about divorce if that doesn't work. "Well it won't! I want out! I want a D!" I would say "I understand. You've explained this to me before and again, I would like counseling so I can be as sure as you." Infuriated him. I told him "This conversation is old, you always get so upset, so maybe you should stop bringing it up?" Eventually, he did.
(Sorry, I still can't work out how to do the quote box)!
Oh how I love that one!! Thanks Stronger for sharing your scenario - I have printed out your words of wisdom and am practising them in my head ... will definitely use them on H next time he says the same to me. This will, I feel, give me some modicum of control back, where as I currently feel that I am rolling over for him to tickle my tum. It all seems to be on H's terms and I am getting nothing that I want. This fits in a little more with my pattern for 'fighting' for my M. Good on you!! First genuine smile I have had, from the heart, in days :o)
How are things panning out for you now - I see that your H wants to come home but wants more time, from your signature?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Thanks everyone! I am OK, had a DB coaching session yesterday that helped immensely (thanks Laurie!). Am meeting H offsite today, trying to prepare for a potential bad reaction. Laurie said to expect this & know that this will be like meeting w a stranger. So weird, never thought I'd need help on how to talk to H but then again he's not the same person now. Thanks so much for all your support, it means so much. I'll check in later today if I can.
Yes, please know the caring and support of so many on this BB go with you today. Thank you for your kind words and I hope for you to sense that inner calmness that faith can provide.
DB Hugs, Laurie
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Laurie, Thanks so much! It's a great comfort. You are so right about H's guilt putting M through a negative lens, and me as well I think. It's still hard to get my head around the fact that even if he's been so unhappy the past 3 yrs. (said "I can't believe you were happy" to me today), what about the previous 12 years?? I wish I had thought of asking him that today, but I just had a flashback of us for some reason to many years ago, & thought of it now. It tears my heart open that he wants to throw it all away. I don't know if I did that well today, was near tears a few times (but didn't). He was very calm, and that's worse really because he seem SO sure, & I was having a hard time keeping composed. Then he said "I told you I got that job didn't I?" I said no you didn't. So at least he'll have something else to occupy his mind now. He wants to start the dissolution asap, and be all collaborative & amicable. But I have to agree to it. Otherwise we're in "limbo" & it's giving me "false hope". Says he doesn't want to file a D, have it be all mean & nasty. I just kept saying, well, if it's want you really want I can't stop you. I guess if I do nothing & he's still hell bent on doing this he'll go ahead & file for something on his own. L says dissolution I'd have more control. I don't think I can write anything else coherently tonight. Thanks again Laurie & all you good people for the support. Hope everyone gets some rest tonight. LFA
LFA good luck. My W said just about the same phrases as your H. I am waiting her out as long as I can. She talked to lawyer already. I have appointment for next week. Nothing WAS say makes sense. I just stopped trying to understand what she was saying and became a bobble head nodding and saying I understand. It took the sting out of her words.
Look for that eye in the storm of confusion your WAS throws at you. There you will find relative calm. Sometimes you get buffeted and bounced around when you drift away from the clam center and you just have to right your course and back to the calm of the eye.
M43 W38 D9 S6 M13 T15 Grenade 01/10/09 1st bomb 03/16/09 2nd bomb 07/22/09 1st thread Desperate for direction
6, Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. It's amazing how the WAS's all seem to speak from the same script! It's like they all know each other & exchange tips or something!!!
I think you're right & when nothing makes sense & it feels like things are spiraling out of control, I need to stop & do nothing. Just wait a while. Anyway I think that's right. It's kind of scary but hearing how others handle this mess is a huge help & comfort. I am so sorry for your situation, and wish you luck too. Thanks for your support!
How are you doing? Any updates? I am thinking of you and thank you also for your kind words on my thread. This is hard, I know, but one day at a time, and yes, doing little nice things for yourself - because you are great and you deserve it - helps. Positive energy. Hope your weekend is well. -hhh
