Actually, I think that whole "shut up" thing applies to all situations. Things go so much smoother with everyone when we enable that filter between our brains and mouths and think before we speak.:) Of course, in these cases it is better to not speak at all.
Charlyne (from Charlyne Cares) refers to it as "zip the lips." I do a lot of that...it's a wonder I actually have a tongue left instead of just a bloody stump. Ugh...not a nice image! But I do think it helps to be very careful about what we say.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Imagine how different the world would be if we each followed our own advice!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Wow, I am really struggling today. I am having such a hard time focusing on what is true and important. I have seen some positives yet can't concentrate on those - only seem to be able to see the negatives. Most of those right now have to do with finances. It is so hard for me to not feel the anger and blame for him putting this on me as well. I do what I can but am afraid at some point it won't be enough.
Hey Faith ~ How are you doing today? You also have been having some quiet time.
Mmmm... Snapping them out of it.
I wonder if there is a manual on that. We just haven't found it yet. Maybe Amazon has it. Maybe the others who successfully reconciled would let us know where they got theirs. Currently I am going by the Bible. I believe that's all we need.
Hey MJ - just stopped by your thread. I am doing okay today. I haven't been on here as much lately - trying to sort things out for myself, I guess, as well as getting the kids geared up for school and the last minute fun we are trying to cram in.
Would love a manual on snapping them out of it!:) I am just trying to keep my focus OFF of him and the negative and concentrate on the positive and TRYING to let it all go. It is out of my control anyway.
This feeling has come over me about control. When my world fell apart as I knew it, it felt like he was in control. Now, I feel like it's changing and I'm in control. In control of me and the situation. I now feel it is up to me if we reconcile. I have forgiven him, because I needed to do that for myself. He would have to prove himself to me. It would be my choice wether or not to accept him back. My priority would be to restore. But I really do feel I'm more in control of the situation now.
MJ - I am starting to feel that shift in "power" or control like you are talking about - how the ball is more and more in my court. Like you, I have forgiven but I definitely need him to prove himself to me, just like you are saying.
I have also realized as I have changed that I definitely don't want things to go back to the way they were before, not exactly. My H is a total workaholic and gradually has become more and more so (which actually helped prepare me to be pretty much totally on my own with the kids now) over the years. My biggest gripe was that he didn't spend enough time with the family and I definitely didn't feel like we were a priority. I don't want to do that again. I totally see now that at least some of what drives his perfectionism and workaholism are some of the same issues that are driving his MLC. My prayer is that he is able to work through that and the rest will fall into place. It is all in God's hands.
But I do think it helps to be very careful about what we say.
