I can feel your pain as I read what you've written. I'm so sorry.
Your C is so right. I have 3 kids all around the same age as your children and I agree with your take on it. You are their safe place and they know you were the one who was always there for them. You may lose them temporarily at least physically, but never emotionally. They are certainly old enough to understand what really is and they are old enough to decide where they want to live. That's not to say that I don't think you should tell them exactly how important they are to you. Kids can never hear that enough.
I know that said you thought your daughter would be home by now, but in the big picture she really hasn't been gone all that long. I think it could be vastly different with your son. Your daughter is at an age where she needs her Mom in a different way than your son needs her. If you are right in that your ex asked them to move in, she put them on the spot. She's lucky that your kids have the capacity to love her inspite of her leaving them. Sorry but I believe that this is the epitome of selfishness. Most Moms I know would sacrifice their happiness before they'd ever leave their babies no matter what their age.
Be patient, continue loving them unconditionally, and letting them know that they can always come home.
