Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[givingitmyall]

Amesterdam would be pretty cool. I can only imagine how much trouble I could get into. Wait, EVERYTHING is legal there. Never mind.

Bruge (which is actually pronounced Broo-Hay, not brooosh, if you want to sound local) is pretty nice too, but it isn't going to provide the adult oriented activities. Pretty dam$ good chocolate and Belgian beer though.

But, in my current sitch, I would vote for Amsterdam.

[iwantittowork]

Last night I stayed late to play kickball with my coworkers of all things. Was fun, but darn am I sore today, after all that working out, still not in shape.. I was completely exhausted when I got home and a bit hurting too, so was not prepared for the below but hope I did well enough.

I did talk to the author of "Surviving her mid life crisis" who confirmed all the things we talk about here, and that I am on the right path for me, and if W notices she may come back, but not to count my hopes on that.

However, I got home late, and as I was putting my stuff away W started talking about how our dog now has Hip displashia. Not good, she's only 4 years old, and it's really hurting, she had lime disease, so we had thought it was that, but x-rays confirmed it's hip problem, and won't be going away.

She burst into tears while telling me, and started wondering where she was going to move to that she could take care of the dog, saying she won't be able to get a condo, etc.

During this, I am thinking, hey, how about we stay here, and work on our M! But I don't say anything, and just listen to her, and tell her I understand that she is really upset, and we will do the best to make the dog confortable, and guide our d8 through this as well.

I asked if she wanted hug, and she initially said no I don't need one, but I could tell she was hurting and could use one, so she eventually got up and I embraced her for a few minutes, just holding her. It wasn't for me, I just wanted to let her let out her emotions for a bit.

I eventually told her I was proud of her, and she asked For What? And I told her for being such a strong women, and I meant it, not just about the dog, but in general. She completely broke down sobbing, and said she was not a strong women, and the last thing I told her was you are a strong women, just because your crying right now does not mean you are not a strong women. And I just held her while standing up until the wave of crying past.

Our d8 was sleeping our master bed as well, where I sleep, so I offered to my W, why don't you sleep in the big bed tonight, so you can be with d8.

She declined, saying "No, you have to work tomorrow, and you need to sleep"

I offered again, but she declined again, so I went to bed.

Nothing big here, although her crying on my shoulder brought back some my emotions on our M, I can't know how she felt about it, but hope it helped..

[givingitmyall]

Good job. Sounds like you handled it well.

[iwantittowork]

Damnit, I just backslid bigtime.

No excuse, but I am tired from not sleeping well the last couple of nights..

Today W sprained her ankle doing laundry, I had been out most of the day with d8, playing tennis, having lunch, etc, and when I came home she said she may go to the doctors to have it looked at. I felt really bad for her, and that brought back a rush of emotion today..

I took d8 swimming, then came home and W was gone again, so I called to check on her, figuring she was at or going to doc. She wasn't. She said she was out for the night, and for some damn reason I said, oh, your out with someone, sorry, I was going to ask if you wanted to joing d8 and I for dinner. She was short with her reply, no, I am out by myself..

Damn, damn, sorry, just need to kick myself, I had been doing very well, had been doing things for me all week, but just seeing her hurt and me being tired, I somehow slipped back into some attachment.

I am going to take d8 out to dinner anyways, and we have to pickup a gift for my friends baby shower tomorrow, which we ALL are supposed to go to. I need to get back to where I was for that, and not where I am today.

[iwantittowork]

Even though I know I backslid there, I am not going to try and beat myself up over it.

After I told her I was just checking to see how her foot was, she told me thanks for thinking about me and seemed to lighten up.

I put d8 on the phone with her as well, and when they were done, she asked for me back on the phone so we could discuss the present I need to get tonight for friends tomorrow, and then said "I will see you all later" before hanging up..

[givingitmyall]

Doesn't seem like THAT big a deal. You are entitled to have emoitons.

Just act like it didn't happen and try not to do it again.

[iwantittowork]

Yep GIMA, I know.

SHE may not know I backslid, but I certainly did, that phone call was full of neediness and emotion.

After, I reset myself, had a good dinner with my d8, and you know what? It's her loss that she's not out with us, and having a good time with d8 as well, so she can do whatever it is she is doing.

She's not home, looks like she'll be out all night doing something but I am not going to let that bother me. No apologies from me or not going to bring it up any more.

[iwantittowork]

Ok, so today it's clear I am not detached.

I didn't realize how much my heart would hurt when she gets all dolled up, starts coming home late, getting up early showering and dolling up again and taking off...

I know I can't say anything to her, or ask where she is going, what time she will be back.

How do you shield your yourself from this hurt effectively?

She's looking clearly like she is moving on, and having a blast with 'new friends' with me there to take my d8 for the weekend, she is splitting whenever she wants...

[givingitmyall]

How do you shield your yourself from this hurt effectively?

Not sure you can. Detaching really helps minimize this.

Just keep focusing on you and D.

I trust you two are sharing time with D equally.

[iwantittowork]

By sharing time, I work all week, and have 3-4 hours commute a day, so my time with D is mostly on the weekends.

So, W has all weekend and I try to be with d8 all weekend to make up for the time I miss due to commuting.

I HAVE to have the strength to detach from times when she splits, I know, to have any chance whatsoever.

Clearly.

Just need to put head down and fight my way through it. Allow the feelings, understand they come from my thoughts of 'what is she doing' even though I have no idea, and try and navigate them until the subside.

I'd like to start trying to find some things to GAL with d8 on weekends that involve other people, so I can make some new friends myself during those times.