I'm so sorry for you. I think in your W's efforts to not drag this out it sounds like she's moving too quickly. I don't think that's ever good. But no matter how fast she wants to get this over with, I think dealing with Ls and court will drag it out some.
Your W clearly sounds conflicted to me. Just yesterday talking about a family vacation together? So maybe she feels like she has to rush this or she won't go through with it.
On the service of that, I don't know much. I was served by them mailing it to me. H didn't give me any notice although we were separated at the time, and it wasn't a complete shock, but still hard. I do think getting by mail would be 100% better than by a sheriff! and I'm glad she did give you warning.
About the kids and telling them? I've read in 100 places both parents should tell the kids together. My H preempted me and when I was out one night, sprang it on the kids. He tends to be not very good at communicating either, so I don't think that was good at all. I think it's better to try to go in united as possible and talk to them and be honest, but allow no blame.
I also think this process takes a while. No rush to talk to the kids today or tomorrow. Maybe you could take a week or two to research or read up on that (I never got the chance!) and that would also give you a week or two to be in a better place than you are today.
I don't think it's over for you. You still have time. I think one thing is your W clearly thinks these changes are temporary that you've made. I think you should keep sticking to the good changes you've made, I've told you before I think you need to do them forever, and I still think that. I know you've been careful to try not to pursuit, but I think you should work even harder on that. No more massages or rubs or whatever. They haven't been working, so I don't think you should. Completely back off and focus on yourself and the kids, but I do think you should be spending some time on the house (you talked about projects) and doing GALing in your case with the kids. Maybe use your music & exercise to deal with the stress.
I know in my case I seriously had no hope in my sitch, but you do!!!! Karen
