Mother's Day Disaster

[ACJ]

It sounds to me like you aren't really ready to date yet

Maybe not but this was not something I planned. I went of for a friend's bday and this guy is her friend from a different social circle. I had met him briefly once but that was a long time ago. The last thing I expected when I went out that night was to find someone who admitted they found me v. attractive. the put down's from H over the years had made me believe that this was no longer possible. Even when he asked if he could see me again I was totatlly shocked and initially said no (b/c I had D14 that night). However on reflection I decided to give it ago. We went out early and had a fab night. Even he agreed with that. Guess I'm just a little confused right now. He definately gave out mixed messages.

Part of me thinks that I should stick well away from dating BUT the other part of me got such a buzz from it. After 4yrs of absolutely no male attention it felt so good to be on the receiving end if only for a very short while. Guess it's all part of the learning curve (or re-learning as might be the case)

[ACJ]

Yes I am still v. vulnerable right now. I think it actually took this experience to make realise just how vulnerable. Maybe that is a good thing to come out of it.

H& OW go for the scan of thier baby today. OW wants to know if it is a B or G. To 'celebrate' D14 is going to thier house for tea tonight (despite it being my week) to find out if she is getting a baby brother or sister. It all feels v. macabre.

[Dawn of Hope]

H& OW go for the scan of thier baby today. OW wants to know if it is a B or G.

Forget boy or girl...I'd be wondering if it will have devil horns!

Peace,
Dawn

[kat727]

LOl, too funny!
I think it takes time to really feel that it is the right time to be with someone. Perhaps he is ready to settle down soon and you clearly are looking for something different. Kudos to both of you for being honest. While it does sting, it would have been worse to draw it out and then have it end for the same reasons.

Take it easy and I am sure you will find the right person for the situation you are wanting.

kat

[ACJ]

Thanks Kat. I know you are right I'm just a bit stung right now.

The baby is a girl. I'm sure H would much rather it had been a boy seeing as he already has two girls with me. Hey ho. Not my problem.

Decree nisi tomorrow. Pretty s**t week all round really.

[kat727]

Positive thoughts brings positives in your life. Not trying to be Little Miss Sunshine but I did hear about and finally read "The Secret" a little bit ago. It says basically that...positive attracts positive and vice versa. I figured I had nothing to lose but the negative feelings and tons to gain! I made a list of five things or goals for my life. I maybe didn't phrase things the correct way when I started out but here I am 10 months later and 2 of the 5 things have happened and certainly not in the way I thought or in the timeline I had in my head!

I write my list at the end of every journal entry and try to keep those positive thoughts going. Do things still go wrong or break? Sure but not nearly the huge deal that they would have been before. Give it a shot. I'm sending positive thoughts your way with a hug for support.

hugs, kat

[BeingMe]

Just a snippet that I heard ---- the older a man is, the least likely he is to have a boy.

Anyway, ACJ, you deserve someone who is going to give you his all, not just the odd date, unless that's what you want. It's totally weird to be discussing children on the first date.

Take care.

[ACJ]

Thanks Kat. In the main I am a more positive thinker than I used to be. I tend to use this space to post negative thoughts as a way to get them out there. Hence the reason why I know I come across as glass half empty sometimes.

Just a snippet that I heard ---- the older a man is, the least likely he is to have a boy.

That's interesting. V. worried about my own children in all of this. D19 refused to answer her dad's call when he tried to phone her yesterday to tell her his 'good' news. D14 hasn't said v. much but I can tell she is hurting. S17 (today) told me he was upset b/c it's another girl! When I dug deeper about this he said nothing was ever going to take the hurt awy but a brother might have made it a little easier to bear. As usual H's timimg was 'spot on'. He never even considered that, telling your current children 48hrs before one of them has a bday what the sex of thier unborn sibling is, was maybe not a wise move.

It's 4.10am here and I'm posting b/c my head is all over the place. I thought I had coped well with knowledge of decree nisi yesterday but now I can't stop crying. The emotions include my most recent rejection and at first I couldn't understnad why. Then it hit me like a brick wall. All this talk of wanting kids etc has opened up more wounds than Ithought. I had thought it was just the potnetial infidelity bit but I know realise it is also down to the wanting a much younger woman issue. Whilst my recent date made me alive and attractive again with the way it ended it has also made me feel old and passed by again.

Anyway, ACJ, you deserve someone who is going to give you his all, not just the odd date, unless that's what you want. It's totally weird to be discussing children on the first date.

This is mainly why I decided that I couldn't just go out with this man for 'fun'. He has his own bagage and promised himself some time ago that he was always going to be brutally honest in any future Rs. Not sure he has assessed how that affects other people's mentality though. Ironically while I know I am portraying him as a selfish man I did sense that deep down he is a nice man which is why I think I am so confused.

[ACJ]

I've come to the conclusion that I was put on this earth to be let down by the men in my life (except my wonderful father)

I was supposed to be going out for the day with S17. I can't remember the last time he and I actually spent a day together by ourselves. I was really looking forward to it. Five minutes before he was due to arrive he sent me a TM. It said he had only just got up and as he had 'so much to do' he didn't think he could make it anymore.

What does a girl have to do to get male attention around here?

[BeingMe]

You do nothing, but continue on with your brilliant life and if you're available when they are, then spend the time with them. Perhaps, they need a few "sorry, I have too much to do's" back at 'em, IMHO.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend, otherwise.