Friday afternoon, I took children to work picnic as W looked at appartments with MIL (UUGH). Went to a mutual friends after the picnic. Hung around the house for a while in the evening, things were very icy between W and I. She was going to go meet a frined after putting girls to bed and suggested that I go see her at a bar while she was putting the girls to bed. Strange, I know, but I went.
Her friend is very nice. But she also thinks that we should seperate for W sake. She is not one that is very religious and does not really believe in committed relationships (saying they are bound to fail because it is not human nature). This is not the type of advice that I like my W to be taking, but it is what it is. We talked a little about what was going on. It seems W is only telling friend half the story, which I guess isn't all that surprising. W called friend and asked if they could meet at her place. Friend finished drink and left. I decided to GAL a little and went out. This morning W told me that friend thought it was the best conversation we had had ever. That I really opened up. I am not sure if that is good or bad.
Anyway, my wife told me this morning that she has found a place and would like to sign a lease. She says she needs some support for the children and money for security deposit and first months rent. We have money in savings. How do I handle this. I make about 160% of what she does. In conversing this morning, I said I have already given so much. Mentioning that she would not of had her school loans paid off if it weren't for my income, etc. She took it as insult crying and saying "See, there you go again. Not treating me as an equal partner. It's the same old you. Nothing has changed."
She also said she would like about $2000 dollars to furnish it. We have it in savings, but this whole ordeal is going to be very expensive. It scares me that she has this bipolar diagnosis and seems to be somewhat manic right now. I am afraid she may spend quite a bit to get her new place as nice as the old. The place she wants to rent is more expensive than our current mortgage. How do I handle this? I have no idea.
Thanks for the advice.
The thing is you are no longer equal partners. She has the OM who she is having an affair with and you don't have an OW who you're having an affair with. You aren't equal. She wants to separate and you don't, equal partners wouldn't separate.
She wants to separate, she needs to know that doing so involves consequences, you can't be and shouldn't be expect to finance her affair & separation.
The quickest route between point A and point B here would be "NO I can't pay for your apartment".
You will support your children and seek joint custody of them but you can't pay for her apartment. The joint savings are meant for both of you to use together on something, You're not getting anything out of spending that money on her apartment so why should you agree to letting her use your joint savings for that?
Tell her she's a big girl and since she's adult enough to make the decision of leaving you to be with the OM, she's big enough to pay for her own rent. You never signed for anything more than marriage. If she wants something outside the marriage, she can take care of that herself.
You have a pair, own them.
Did you mention (remember you're not asking for her approval) that you are considering seeing other women to experience first hand what she is going through so you can understand this better?
