My stbxH wrote down for our MC that among the things he was proud of was the fact that he "made a brave decision and left us". He actually said he was feeling good about himself for making that decision which showed he was controlling his own life. Next thing he said was he was feeling good because many times since he left, he felt FREE.
The C actually agreed that since he felt so dead in the M he was brave enought to leave us (sort of, not her exact words). Aparently the fact that he had an ongoing A and that the week he moved out he was talking of moving in with OW had escaped his mind or was irrelevant. Like a monkey, grabbing next branch to hold on to before leaving the next one... K
This is actually one of these areas where I have to concede a point or two (grudgingly) to those conservative commentators who talk about the "entitlement mentality" of modern American society. You really see it in WAWBFF's "we should toast ourselves" - gimme half a frickin' break!!! Aren't we swell for having the "courage" to leave our non-abusve, middle-class life and damage our spouses and children - changing our children forever - in order to become the True Ourselves that a string of post- (or mid-) divorce sexual relationships will enable us to become. And we DESERVE that. Home of the brave, indeed.
@polly - iphone's almost dead, but I'll check yr thread later today when I get back to my office computer.
I had a similar experience--and it seems like self-esteem and self-actualization are supposed to be a much higher priority than our families and spouses. My xH got kudos for "living into his honesty" and leaving behind a life "that no longer fit, like an old overcoat." Yeah, so when your family no longer meets your needs, you discard them like old clothes? And the MC we saw to work out issues related to our D allowed x to completely set the agenda because "since he is the one who wants to leave, he has all the power." And it was just something I had to get used to, that I "may never find peace or closure" about H leaving us for someone else. And that was just fine. xH got a big grin at that point, and told me he "better not hear another word about an affair or I'll walk right out of here." No comment from the MC--who I paid $100/hour to enable further emotional trauma. Where do these people come from?
Sorry for the hijack, just that I can so understand the outrage at counselors, who can do so much damage.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
She did apologise to me. And she has studied in France. Marital Councelors here are VERY RARE to find. So, if anyone of you is interested to relocate to a warm friendly place, there is an opportunity (thinking of looking into it myself as a matter of fact)...
I need help and actually it has something to do with what you are talking about
I am to be cross examined in our supreme court from nasty lawyers due to a civil action i have brought against xh. HIS defence is that he had to leave the home and steal the business to set himself free. He was depressed in marital home and then 6 months later he was depressed with me being a partner in our 20 year old business. He had new woman with kids , he expecxted me to hand it to him on a plate and when i didn,t he stole it. I will be questioned on my contribution to his depressed and oppressed state of mind!
He left for another woman. How do I answer such questions with surity and conviction that I did not cause him to feel or enable that. When he has me convinced this is all my fault.
I need some serious guidance and reassurance that
i want to witty without sarcastism , I what to speak from the heart with the authority that I am not a bad person. Or am I
Now, when your woman start actin' funny, and begin to run aroun', You better get you somebody, 'cause she's fittin' to put you down, Better let her go, man, just as quick as you can, Because that hoodoo girl is going to hoodoo the hoodoo man.
-- Lightnin' Slim
A funny thing happened on the way to Mojoseum today.
WAW is doing a sprint triathlon in Coastal Resort Town, where she's spending a couple days with the kids. She'd asked if I could come pick them up before the event -- which starts at the crack o' dawn -- even though it was right after the Great European Getaway and I'd surely be tired. But being the Friendy type, I said "of course."
But the travel has put the zap on my brain, and I thought today was tomorrow, and drove up to Coastal Resort Town to pick the chillun up. I knocked on the hotel room door early this a.m. and was greeted by a sleepy-headed WAW, still a'jammied, and two sleepy-headed kids who were very glad to see me.
"Whatareyoudoing?" led to "Oh, man, I'm all screwed up calendar-wise," and after a bit of chit-chat with Themselves -- who promptly went back to sleep -- I told WAW I'd be back in the (proper) morning tomorrow.
"Why don't you stay and come to breakfast?" she asked, while pulling her arms out of her robe and chivvying it down around her waist, so that her lady-lumps were on full display under her thin, sleeveless, jammie t-shirt.
Now mind you, it's eeeeeaaaaarrrrrllllly in the morning. She's still all muddle-headed and Themselves have already fallen back into the arms of Morpheus, sawing kid-sized lumber. So what, exactly, am I going to do for a couple hours? She's got D Herself in bed with her, S Himself has the other bed all to himself. I'm not going to climb in there with him, and I'm certainly not going to sit on the floor and wait for them to sleep a couple more hours.
WAW and I can't really have a conversation, there being just the sleeping chamber and the WC. So I say Thanks But No Thanks Got To Be Rollin' On.
Plus I'm p*ssed, because it's obvious that WAW's been rummaging around in my office in my absence and her presence, and among the rummagings she's taken her engagement ring out of the desk drawer where she threw it upon Moving Out. Now her engagement ring is neither here nor there to me, and I suppose she wants the Diamante to make some other piece of jewelry out of, but dam! That's cold-blooded, rustling a fellow's things around. Why didn't she just ask?
So I whipped out the Mojo, gave her my best smile, told her to enjoy the day with Themselves, and --- see ya, wouldn't wanta be ya.
Now that's pretty cruel, you might say. And I might agree. "Bing!" comes the text-message while I'm driving back down Coastal Highway: "Wish you could've stayed."
Yep. The Great European Getaway definitely put some Hoodoo on the Hoodoo Girl.
As coach would say, here kitty kitty