No, in this M that is not possible. And you are way out of bounds here b/c you post without knowing someone's sitch. If we only ML when he gave me back rubs we would rarely have sex.
My h is a really good man, and I mean that. But he's not able to give me therapeutic back rubs (or at least not very often) and so, when I need a massage for more than 5 min b/c of an old back surgery, I don't choose to torture him by asking something of him that he's not really able to do. (And he has not been "trained" by me as he is a man, not a dog. Jesus, what is in your past that makes you think so badly of women?? I mean your post had about 3 comments in it that put us down like we're all emasculating shrews...)
Did you mean your post to sound insulting? It was. I don't use sex as a weapon. Neither does my h. Maybe that's why I've been faithful to my h for 28 years and believe he has also been to me, and maybe it's ONE reason we are still married, and our div never happened...
When I posted my back rub question (on another's thread) it was mostly in jest & and I loved the feedback b/c it was hilarious, which I posted some of here. But you chose to respond in a way that really insulted me and since you don't know me, it insults women in general and that wasn't called for. I do not know your sitch, so I won't go there. Regarding your comments---
I am sure that some women must use sex as a weapon, or so many men would not complain of it. But I don't personally know many who do, or at least who admit it.
FYI, if it matters, I DO know women who say they don't feel like ML when their h's have been curt, or cold or critical to them all day, but then suddenly at bed time their h's decide they NOW "feel romantic" which means they want sex, and if the wife doesn't get on board fast enough, or wants some conflict resolution first (and no, I don't mean "grovelling", & I'm using my words carefully here), she's accused of "withholding" sex, or using sex as a weapon, or God knows what else...
Is that what you mean? My h doesn't do that either, by the way. He wants to make love when it feels loving to US. We both do.
That has not ever been an issue for us in our m, even in our darkest days. You couldn't know this b/c you don't know my sitch and this is not my thread. But You need to read much more about someone's sitch, before hurling out a smug put down like that, really.
To those women who make their kind hearted h's beg or plead for sex, I'd say "get help. It's not loving and it's weird." To those men who are truly clueless, I'd say that a few loving comments, or whatever your w's love language is, should start a few hours before you want to ML so she knows it's not a "2 minute tactic", and she'll be "in the mood" a lot more if she feels good about herself, which means no criticism from her h, and the M in general.
Sorry for the hijack Tristan, and as I said before, your sensitivity in this area is admirable. You know your w intimately and far far better than anyone here obviously. Trust what you know. I hope she gets the help she needs, for both of your sakes. j-
25yearsmlc, it seems with you and breakaway, and again this is just an observation, I make a statement and apparently touch a sensitive nerve.
Let's be clear on this, I don't know you or breakaway, so when I post something like this, taking something like this and revealing so much personal detail on your part isn't necessary as is defending yourself which for the most part it sounds like what you're doing. Your husband is great guy, awesome, you have a good marriage, awesome too! That is good news. My post wasn't insulting, it actually was a question that appears to be honest & direct. Is it that unheard of, is it so outlandish that this sort of thing could only be possible in an alternate universe/reality? I think not. There was no need for you take any of my questions or statements personally and there was no need to defend against it. The most direct answer would have been "NO, IT'S NOT", the rest of your post was unnecessary.
When marriages hit stumbling blocks, sex is used as a tool to gain an advantage or a method of demonstrating control and it's unfortunate that it happens and apparently it happens often to many couples.
25yearsmlc, if that's not the case in your sitch, I am happy to hear that.
