Long Journey .......... advice please

[Sanderika]

(((((Cas)))))

What an a-hole. Sorry!!!

I now completely understand the changes in the plan where your kids were going to help H move. Kudos to them for backing out!!!!

He needs to understand the OW in the picture is not cool. The kids are not going to want anything to do with her and frankly it's his loss, not theirs. H will eventually see this. One day he will care. This is a definite. He needs to realize things and this one probably stings a bit. This he will keep to himself.

H lies because H is wrong.

Don't confront him on it. It won't be worth your time. It's all about H wants and this is how he apparently wants it. If not he will also own his regrets.

I think you should go dark on him. He doesn't deserve more right now. Let him own his choice.

As far as the "birthday" dinner out next week...this is tough. If it were me, I would plan the dinner excluding H. I would carry on with the dinner including the in-laws because of the fact they are leaving. It would be nice to see them one last time, and your children will agree.

H will have spent the evening before with them. Why should he join your evening. This is a consequence for his choice. He needs to own his choice. This one would be ok to discuss with the kids. They might feel differently.

To make it seem less awkward between you and H, you could exclude the "birthday" part of the dinner, especially if you ALWAYS do birthdays as a family.

The following is my example only.....

You could tell H if you end up having to explain yourself that.... "A "birthday" dinner for ( ) is being planned on (Friday). Giving the circumstances recently this seemed to make sense. If you wish to join us at (insert restaurant name) on (Friday) at (7:00pm) we would love to see you".

Let H make his OWN choice. Let H OWN that choice right or wrong.
He has to start seeing that his actions and behaviors are not going to be without consequence. The kids are already forcing him to see his consequences. You can do the same.

Right now he may seem to not care.....the truth is he really does. This will serve to make him think a little harder. In my sitch, H has told me he thinks about the choices every day. H has told me sometimes he can't stop thinking about it all.

You know Cas, these are only suggestions. It is hard to make the right choice on this one. I think it is an opportunity to put H in the place he has chosen and......that is on the outside looking in. May not be such a bad thing. What have you got to lose!!!

I am now at the point I do what I want as it suits me. I look more and more at every situation like "What have I got to lose".
Fear doesn't stop me anymore. I really don't care if he doesn't like what I am doing. He's not here they are my choices and I own them.

(((((Cas))))) I am confident you will do the right thing on this one. I hope my perspective has helped if even a tiny bit.

Sanderika