WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

It was a great Fri visiting my friends. My 7 year old loves playing with my friends 10 year old son and 9 year old daughter. My 3 year old loves playing with my friends 4 year old daughter as well as chasing the 3 older kids

We started with soccer then finished with baseball. I took all the kids for ice cream before lunch. After lunch, I took a nap with my 3 year old. After nap we all worked on puzzles since it was pouring out. My boys were bumming that we couldn't go swimming but they still had fun. Then we shot some pool and played table tennis.

It cleared up in time to go to the baseball game. Our team won 7 - 2 so there was a lot of action to watch.

She did call just before lunch. I was surprised as she didn't call at all the last time we had come up. That was the weekend she got the apartment so she was busy shopping for stuff. I said hello and she asked to talk to the boys. I handed the phone to both on speaker phone so they could both talk (we were in the car). When the boys were done talking, I just hung up.

I don't think she is feeling anything out, except other guys, but I don't care what she does. Perhaps this is detachment that everyone has been pressing me to get to. Or I'm just so disgusted and angry

When she dropped the divorce bomb on me in Jan, she had said that as I hurt her over the years, I was chipping away at the love she had for me till there was nothing left. I didn't understand how that was possible as I felt true love endures and last forever (sorry for the hallmark moment). Now I feel that my love got nukes the nite I found out the disgusting truth

Now I truly see her. Part of what made me fall in live with her was her kindness and goodness that I would see in her soul when I would look in her eyes. Now I can't even look at her without wanting to throw up. Now she wasn't a virgin when I met her, she had a boy friend in HS, so I was her second guy. On the nite we had gotten married she cried as we were about to make love and said she wished that she could have been giving me her virginity. That was the girl I married. Not a girl who is surfing the net looking to meet guys for "casual relationships" according to her emails she sent out and her match com profile