Work on making yourself better and take care of your kids.
That's the key right there. I have a lot of work to do financially from this mess and I want to keep getting better.
I really don't have time to pay much attention to or spend much energy on her and her issues. She can fix herself and if she can't or chooses not to then it's all on her.
I agree with braveheart. This forum can be horrible. Much of what people tell us here is NOT in Michelle's book. She doesn't say 'get shat on'. She doesn't say wait forever. She doesn't say that if they remarry, hang in there.
There is a pervasive karma here...among many....to wait at that dock long after the cruise ship left thinking it will return to you while everyone else is singing, dancing and getting ready for the first sitting.
My STBXW trapt is a hairdresser. In the beginning, she kept saying, "I'll always cut your hair". She would plunge the scissors into my scalp now given the opportunity.
My advice is like braveheart's....a hearty 'round 2' of 'go on with your life'. Forget this and go forward. Real 'babysteps' are dramatic returns. Don't get tripped up by their 'blips' of guilt. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I'm not going to wait around. I need to get things in order with myself before I start seeing anyone else though. I refuse to take anything but positives from this into another relationship.
Lately I am really fighting the urge within myself to just lay it all out and just be real with her. Not nasty or anything, but simply tell her like it is and carry on my merry way. It's not my job to tell her though.
I simply can't wrap my head around how someone can be so blind to the obvious.
I see plain as day that the armor of denial that she so proudly used to wear is now wearing thin. Of course she will hang on to it for as long as she can.
All I can do is smile and shake my head and keep getting better.
All I can do is smile and shake my head and keep getting better.
Does this sound familiar?
Originally Posted By: Maximus
"When Death stares at you and smiles, all you can do is smile back"
Remember your N.U.T.S.: You don't have to explain or defend yourself. There is no need when you maintain your N.U.T.S.
Hang tough. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I know what you mean dearie. I was going through my brother's boxes of pictures and came across some of me and stbx.
Of course, you're better than me. I am mean, and told him that he was becoming the one person he despised the most...his father.
But I don't share children with him either, and have no intention of going back. I think you are doing a great job. Hopefully some day she will see that...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
"I need to get things in order with myself before I start seeing anyone else though. I refuse to take anything but positives from this into another relationship."
This, I think, is key. Give yourself some time to heal and figure yourself out.
The celibacy is a drag, though. =)
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Well, some say you must be friends before you can rekindle romance.
At the least, your anger has to be dissipated before you can even think of moving in a new direction.
It could be fun to be the OOM (other other man).
I think that it is good to be dark or dim when they are deep in crisis. It protects you and it forces you to GAL. But you're in an interesting situation where she is coming out.
I would be friendly. If nothing else, maybe you'll get an honest talk where you can see what you think about where her head is. Maybe you can make peace with it all.
If you are interested, then you can think about what to do.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
You are right, just do what you gotta do for you, your finances and your kids. Let her blow in the wind. She has to deal with her stuff. You have to deal with yours. And I know you are.
You will know when you are ready to into another relationship. Til then, keep on keepin' on, my friend.
Uh yeah....I feel like I went from 32 to 72 in a year and a half. Not that I haven't had the opportunity. I'm just not going to add to this mess at the moment so I will continue to be a monk.
Thank you for stopping by. I'm getting a lot done. Doesn't seem like enough at the moment but I'm trying to keep the whole ask, seek, knock thing in perspective. I think as I continue to take action or "knock" another door will soon open.
I am dealing with some anger and frustration these past few days. I have to make sure I use it in the right way. Motivation.
Her lies are becoming harder for her to hide and I continue to fight the urge to not say anything. When do you hold them accountable? Or do you ever for that matter? I still can't accept the whole "best friends" thing with the loser still in the picture. Hopefully he will disappear soon.
It's difficult to see the positive changes in her and then still see the flat out obvious lie she clings to. I have been keeping my mouth shut while praying for her eyes to be opened. This has been one of the most frustrating times throughout all of this.
More cleaning, liquidating and debt erasing on tap for today. I hope everyone has a great one!! : )
