Thought I was over this

[C-Bart]

This may be a contradiction but it seems like when I detach, i.e. a month ago I was moving forward with the D, I felt wonderful. Then what happened is I started to notice a change in my W. Very big changes like she was more comfortable being around me. Reaching out more. Opening up more, etc. This actually sucked me back into thinking things could change and they have somewhat. Like I said the conversations are good but not satisfying. Kind of like eating a rice cake. Yes its food but not really a meal. That event actually pulled my back into DB and lead to a couple of DB coaching sessions.

Maybe I need to detach again without driving the D.

Here's a strange thing that happened today. W dropped some items of for S7 school project early this morning after work (2:30am). In the bag was a card, not in an envelope or signed but a new, blank card. The card had fireflies on the front and inside said "lately my thoughts have been buzzing around about you". W texted with explanation of the content of the bag, not the card. She then called (I didn't talk to her) to explain the contents of the bag and to apologize for not doing more. Called again at 11am to explain and added that the card was so S could use the fireflies for his project. When she came by to pick up kidos she took the card with her. I asked what the real story was with the card and she explained it again as before. I said that was to bad cause it would have been a nice card to receive, signed and in an envelope of course lol. She actually said maybe that she intended to do that but was just to tired. Added that maybe she would save it and give it me once I forgot about it.

I just stopped myself from deleting the previous paragraph. That card should not have bothered me if I was truly detached. Or maybe I miss-understand detachment.

She also said it sounds like I am doing well. And that tonight was a nice evening and that she enjoyed talking to me. Kind a repeat of what she said to me on my b-day. 5 days later she was filling out D papers.