My S is with dad tonight and I went to a movie by myself and am just feeling so tired and lonely. I don't want to be alone anymore. I am married so I have someone to share my life with and I don't have that. Yet, I am not in a place to share my life with anyone else, nor do I want to.
I am trying to live life and GAl, but it is so hard. My friends that are single are newly divorced and just want to go out and party and it's not really my thing. I did a whole lot a that in college and even some last summer after he first moved out.
My married friends are busy with their families and doing couple things. Everyone was great about making plans with me when this all started, but now it's been over a year and they are all DONE. They think I should move on and find someone new.
I think this is the only place I can come and have people who understand I don't want to move one, date, find someone new. I am doing to have to deal with my husbands BS as the father of my son anyway, why have another guy's BS on top of that. OMG I sound so bitter tonight.
Truthfully, I just love my H and I want my life back.
On a positive note, but H did make an appointment with a IC for next week, and he admitted he probably needs to see a psychiatrist. HUGE step forward. I am very cautious not to get my hope's up because they have been crushed too many times, but at least it's something.
It just seems like there is so much damage. Do people really recover from affairs and live happy lives where they aren't always questioning every move their spouse makes. I want that so badly, but i can't imagine a day where the words and thoughts are not burned into my brains. I need to go on and read some of the success stories, I'm getting burned out on this whole thing. It just doesn't seem like it should be this much work.
