As I said on Orich's thread once, half jokingly, "Can a guy just give me a back rub without it leading to ML?" The guys pretty much said "NO WE CAN"T! We are men..."
Touching between spouses tends to lead to that.
Can a guy (I'm assuming your husband) give you a backrub without it leading to ML?
Yes.
Can your husband just have sex with you without having to give you a backrub?
Maybe he's been trained to believe that you won't give him sex any other way unless he does something for you. Maybe he feels thats the only way he can get some from you? Maybe/maybe not?
Is that possible to?
No, in this M that is not possible. And you are way out of bounds here b/c you post without knowing someone's sitch. If we only ML when he gave me back rubs we would rarely have sex.
My h is a really good man, and I mean that. But he's not able to give me therapeutic back rubs (or at least not very often) and so, when I need a massage for more than 5 min b/c of an old back surgery, I don't choose to torture him by asking something of him that he's not really able to do. (And he has not been "trained" by me as he is a man, not a dog. Jesus, what is in your past that makes you think so badly of women?? I mean your post had about 3 comments in it that put us down like we're all emasculating shrews...)
Did you mean your post to sound insulting? It was. I don't use sex as a weapon. Neither does my h. Maybe that's why I've been faithful to my h for 28 years and believe he has also been to me, and maybe it's ONE reason we are still married, and our div never happened...
When I posted my back rub question (on another's thread) it was mostly in jest & and I loved the feedback b/c it was hilarious, which I posted some of here. But you chose to respond in a way that really insulted me and since you don't know me, it insults women in general and that wasn't called for. I do not know your sitch, so I won't go there. Regarding your comments---
I am sure that some women must use sex as a weapon, or so many men would not complain of it. But I don't personally know many who do, or at least who admit it.
FYI, if it matters, I DO know women who say they don't feel like ML when their h's have been curt, or cold or critical to them all day, but then suddenly at bed time their h's decide they NOW "feel romantic" which means they want sex, and if the wife doesn't get on board fast enough, or wants some conflict resolution first (and no, I don't mean "grovelling", & I'm using my words carefully here), she's accused of "withholding" sex, or using sex as a weapon, or God knows what else...
Is that what you mean? My h doesn't do that either, by the way. He wants to make love when it feels loving to US. We both do.
That has not ever been an issue for us in our m, even in our darkest days. You couldn't know this b/c you don't know my sitch and this is not my thread. But You need to read much more about someone's sitch, before hurling out a smug put down like that, really.
To those women who make their kind hearted h's beg or plead for sex, I'd say "get help. It's not loving and it's weird." To those men who are truly clueless, I'd say that a few loving comments, or whatever your w's love language is, should start a few hours before you want to ML so she knows it's not a "2 minute tactic", and she'll be "in the mood" a lot more if she feels good about herself, which means no criticism from her h, and the M in general.
Sorry for the hijack Tristan, and as I said before, your sensitivity in this area is admirable. You know your w intimately and far far better than anyone here obviously. Trust what you know. I hope she gets the help she needs, for both of your sakes.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
