Well after the dragrace efficiency of our courts system of processing D papers, I am now having my boundaries pushed in every direction possible by now XW. I of course have to now reinstate and push harder to have my boundaries upheld and intact. Is this a normal process I need to expect?
Why is it so hard to fully detach? I have done decent, but today she is sick, and I have always been there for her when she has been in this place. I want to call just to see how she is doing, but I know I shouldn't. I know she would appreciate it, but at the same time, I feel that would be giving into her needs and adding to the cake eating. She is still trying to get my fulfillment of her needs, and I have been doing a decent job at staying fairly distant. I hate this point. FML Shock
It's hard when the S is sick, it's a difficult call. I always want to phone but then err of the side of caution and don't. Is that detaching or being unkind - who knows? It's however you perceive it. If you feel happier enquiring about her health do so, what's to lose. Maybe a text? Less persuing than a phone call?
I suppose you should think what would be a 180 for you? If you've been uncaring during the M then a text would be good, if you've been suffocating her too much then a text will be a negative.
Just when I start to feel kinda sad and missing her, I have a conversation with her and remember what it was that she was doing to cause me to feel numb.
I can understand having outlets and social network places, but I am being told by multiple friends now that I am being slammed by X on fb. This is frustrating, I can't see any of it to defend myself, even if I wanted too. For the most part, I really don't care, I have moved on, aparently XW has not. Grow up. OK, I feel better now.
So, it has been some time since I have posted on my sitch, and a lot has changed. I have been on the GAL, found some good friends, had some good times. Heard about a lot of problems XW and OM have been having, not looking for it, but it comes anyway, people feel the need to tell me. So tonight, I get a message from XW, they are done and she is appologizing to me for what she has done. I am once again in shock, knew it would come at some point, but still caught off guard. I was done, moved on, now confused. I still love her, always will, don't know what to take out of this. I have my religion and have prayed for all of us, mainly just prayed for my family. I guess I am just journaling. I am sad for her. Sad for what has been done and where I am, we are. Sad for the rollercoaster my children didn't stand in line to ride. Shock
I think "shock" is an understatement, it's only been 30+ days!!!
The truth is she left confused and still is. She left in haste. She could not have possibly thought it through completely, all the consequences for everyone involved....especially for you and the kids. Does she realize she is opening the wounds?
I would be cautious that she is now alone and has no where to go thus the turn towards what she had and must still believe could be available to her.
I know you still love her. You have to search your soul and decide what you want now. It will be very hard.
What has happened over the past three days?
It is possible she is truly sorry. It is possible she can turn a new leaf. It is possible with open, truthful communication the marriage could re-unite with time and patience.
I think it best for a chat and lay it on the line, tell her the damage she has caused to you and the kids. Make her be accountable for her devastating choice. Tell her you were moving on. Ask her what would be different now. Tell her that you will need to think on her replies, make no promises. Let her pursue you.
I am intrigued that this has happened so soon. Part of me wonders, if the time she had away she also honestly realized what she really wants was what she had and threw away.
This is very interesting.
I wish you well, and hope you keep us posted on updates.
Take care of yourself right now. I can imagine the turmoil this is causing for you.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Sanderika I made some of my statements in haste. They are not done, and regardless of anything else, I am not interested in even talking as long as he is in the pic. Even if he is out of the pic, I don't know that I could go back again anymore, to many hurtful things and words have been said. It is a tough situation.
Even after that , I still get comments saying things like "this is why I divorced you" or things similar, still script, I know she is unhappy, I know her better than she knows herself sometimes, it shows.
Not a whole lot to update on. Just thought I would put some of it out there. Still getting some of the contact trying to be friends with me. I am fine with that, I do want to be able to be her friend, we will always have kids together, so it would be best. There still have been some interesting moments, I got to hear a whole bunch of BS and crap when she found out I was dating someone. (apparently it was ok for her but not me) I think she has now come to terms with it though. If not, she will need to. At least I waited till we were divorced to date. We are planning a few family dates to spend with the kids, I hope that is the right thing to do. Guess time will tell on that.
