Forgive AND forget?

[WCW]

It's county fair time. I didn't even ask H to go with me, cheeseless tunnel, although we used to spend hours walking around hand in hand and socializing.
I had a good time on my own but I missed being with the old H.
I missed sharing a haystack of onion rings while we looked to see if our entries won any ribbons.
I guess the positives are that I could see what I wanted when I wanted.
The entertainment was fantastic!
I didn't reach out to anyone to go with me or meet me at the fair this year, usually I do. No one reached out to me either. That stings a little.
The real sting was coming home and H would hardly take his eyes off the hunting video to say hi. I tried to be chipper and engage him, nothing.
I am tired of wanting something simple and getting rejection.
I told H this morning that even though he thinks I am despicable and repulsive and I am used to it it still hurts.
He said what are you talking about?
Then texts me today about fair stuff.
How do I break the cycle and get off the merrygoround?

Showing my horse this weekend. If it's a super big show and I beat the pants off of everyone else I could finish a title on my mare but I don't think it will happen. That bites too because it would be within easy reach if I hadn't allowed H to control me with financial fear earlier this year and I missed a show.

Okiedokie, pity party over. Let the weekend rooollll!!!!