Just so you know...

[DCBHM]

That sounds nice. Biggest I ever got was the local newspaper from my hometown.

[bluerain]

I was on the beach today and I realized that today ( I know it could be totally different tomorrow), I dont care what H does. And its not like last year when I didnt care because I was seeing someone else, this time I really dont care.

Im through with his crap. If he wants to be M to me then he knows where to find me. Im M until Im not, so Im not going to actively pursue D, Im not going to date, Ill keep wearing my ring, because I am M. But Im through trying. I love him, and I love our life, and I miss him everyday. I hope that he will come home, but if not, I dont really care anymore.

I havent talked to him for 4 days. So maybe that has something to do with it.

[DCBHM]

Maybe. I think it is healthy to focus on ourselves for a bit. I'm tired of worrying over what W does and doesn't do myself.

[karen43]

Blue, congrats on your celebrity! You deserve it! Very cool.

I think what you're describing is detaching. Supposed to be very desirable for DB'ing, as I think it's healthy for you. A break from the rollercoaster. ((((((br)))))) Karen

[MaryEL]

Bluerain,

HI.. thanks so much for all of the encouragement on my thread.. I have read yours and WOW you are a very strong lady! and such energy with the wildlife etc..

I think that you are so in the right direction taking control and getting your life together. It sounds like your H is going to do what he needs to do to deal with his mistakes and you should not have to be on an emotional roller coaster while he figures it all out.

so you keep saving the otters, and eagles and get your 4.0 back in school and before you know it, your life will have set a course and it will be good... with or with out H!

I will check back in later to see how it is all going!

[bluerain]

Thanks Mary. Its pretty nice today, I think Im gonna take the dog to the beach this evening. Hes not quite as much of a hiker as I am, and it wears him OUT! Its nice because he comes home, drinks a bunch of water and passes out. Then I only have to deal with attention demands from my old lady dog.

Im going to a local fair this afternoon with a friend and her son. Its not a very big thing, mostly animals and food. No rides But it should be fun, and a good reason to get out of the house.

ooh, this is my 666th post! better go post somewhere else!

[MaryEL]

Hi Bluerain,

I hope you got to had fun at the fair! I dont do the rides much anymore but I love the excitement, junk food and the people watching! lol

We had rain most of yesterday, which is a norm for FLA this time of year.. 10 days on 1 day off. lol but today the skies are clear and I am out to wash the car and work in the yard. Hope to lay by the pool later after I have burned some of this pent up energy!

I hope you weekend is fruitful and exciting!

[bluerain]

Today was the first day of school. Im taking 5 classes, so I really have my work cut out for me this semester. It might be a little crazy, but I figure that if things go south with my M, this may be the last chance I have to go full time. I was supposed to go shopping on sunday to grab the rest of my supplies (And to put something in my fridge, its pathetically empty), but I ended up working until about 9pm instead. I can get some of what I need here, but not really much choice.

I got to release a rehabilitated arctic tern last night, which is why I ended up doing for the last 2 hours of my day, it was really cool though, so I didnt mind having to work late at all!

I have talked to H once in the last 8 days. He's travelling for work right now. This is the last work trip he'll take before he heads up here. I still am not really sure what hes up to...

I also ordered a new computer the other night! It should be here on the 8th of sept. The "W" on mine has stopped working properly, and it has started to do some really strange things. So Im really excited.

[DCBHM]

Good luck with the classes. That is a heck of a course load.

[MaryEL]

Bluerain,

Good for you! 5 classes is alot.. So be sure to breath and not let it overwhelm you. I had to revamp my classes, so I only start one next week and then I start the other in Oct. which I am glad about as it is statistics and I need some time to get comfortable just being a student again, lol

I hope one day I can have a job I LOVE as much as you do.. I think that is incredible!!

RE: H... humm.. what does he say when you talk.. does he speak as if he is still trying.. ending with I love you's? or is it just chit chat... Either way maybe you will be able to get some closure on weather you are going to work this out or not. face to face should help you know better what you feel when you see him.

all the best!