Orich, my sitch has similarities with yours. I`ve had a hard time detaching too and not letting my mood be affected by H. Plus he`s living in the same house, and we`ve very little convo between us. If you get a chance, drop by my second thread,to read a recent post where I`ve written about my last visit with my therapist. She really hit me with H`s perspective on me.
Wham!Its helped me see my role in our M breakdown-yes, he`s the one who had the affair, he physically threatened me, he`s looking for separation, he`s got huge anger issues. But in lots of ways, I drove him to that.
Its really helped me to truly detach.And to finally see my role in things.I feel as guilty as all hell now. And know its beyond my control to fix things-I can just try to fix me. H may come around in his own time.
Maybe you need a mirror to yourself in that way. I`ve done a lot of the changes that H looked for. No not just cos he looked for them but I also want to be a better me for me.
Its good but its not enough. I`ve got to dig deeper and change the whole dynamic of our 17 year marriage. By changing my whole character.
The woman I am/was wasn`t looking for a real man but someone weaker than herself. No I`m not saying that`s true for you. You may have to look at what that inital dynamic was and decide whether it was a healthy one for both of you.
Sorry you got clubbed towards the end of the last thread.I don`t know if my H is having an affair right now. Its easy to jump to conclusions. But, even if he is, believe there is still hope that we can survive this.
