I think that he wants me to file because then, if he does have a problem with immigration, he can say I left him and filed for divorce, he didn't leave me.

I really don't have much to do with his immigration status. I am not his sponsor. That is his ex wife. But now, the more I think about it, I wonder if he did marry her to gain his citizenship, and because he wanted to be in federal law enforcement, if he married me so that my father could potentially use his influence to get him a job.

These are questions I will probably never have answered. I honestly wish I could have the damned marriage annulled on fraudulent grounds, but unfortunately, I don't have proof.

Besides, that won't matter anyway. The pain of this experience will still be real, and I just want it to be done with. I feel like I cannot really begin to heal until the judge bangs the gavel.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..