Holy Moly! Stop puking…I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I had a panic attack at work and it was one of the worst things I have ever experienced.
Please, take a deep breath, and breath slowly think of something fun.
When you say three years ago, your H was accused of having an affair….who accused him?
Where is your H living now?
From everything I’ve read, I think you need to incorporate 180’s immediately. Starting with stopping the accusations now. What was going on in your marriage that this EA could develop, if it did at all?
There was a time when I COMPLETELY blamed my H for his EA and that it was all his fault because he wanted it to happen, he wanted another relationship with another woman.
Well, through this process which includes the bomb, the therapy, my GALing, meeting my family here in DB.com and all the wonderful advice and really getting to know me better, I’ve come to learn my part in all of this….how I helped to allow my marriage to be ripe for someone else to butt in. I hate to admit it, but this might have been the only thing to get my attention, I’m so hard headed by nature.
Another reason to stop with the accusations…..it’s weird how this works, but the more you accuse the more he will go to her, if there is one. The thought process I think is like this “Well, if I’m going to be accused of this, I might as well do it.” Does that make sense?
And if it’s not what you think it is, you’re still pushing him away….who wants to be accused of crap they really aren’t doing and yelled at in the process?
This helped me with the 180’s and it’s how the book DR tells us to do it….write down all your habits in the relationship that you know are killing your marriage and either stop it, or do the 180 for it.
You can do this, but you have to calm down. Get a hold of yourself and start DBing. We’re here for you.
Check out my thread in MLC under Trying to stay positive without getting too hopeful
I am surviving an EA/PA too. So I know. I never puked, but I was pretty close. I understand.
