H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

I will do my best to keep this short and sweet as I don’t want to bore anyone. Last night we had the “talk”. H says he wants to try. Really, really try. He said that, before, he said he was trying but he was only fooling himself. That he just thought he could say he was trying and then be really cold and uncaring and I would get fed up and leave. Then he could say he tried and leave w/ a clear conscience. That’s not what happened. I was steadfast in my commitment to him, our marriage and our daughter. He admired that and decided that he never wanted to look back a year from now and see that he was a man that he couldn’t respect. He said “I asked myself what kind of man I wanted to be”. We set boundries, put measureable goals in place and mapped our a bit of a plan and even wrote everything down. He even agreed to go to a retreat weekend with me. He and I are in agreement on our big issues, trust and lack of communication and are going to delve into those two areas head on.

He said he doesn’t trust me because he doesn’t trust himself (regarding other people). The OW is not as big of a threat as she used to be and he told me that the pull towards her is fading but not completely gone. He wants us to move back to sleeping in the same bed and had the idea that we move the bedroom to a completely new room with new decorations etc. He said he thinks we really need a new start. As our therapist said…we never really have had a marriage that is a true marriage. We really only have the engagement period to compare our “good”times to. I know this is not over by a long shot (the hard part I mean) and I am going to really need to stop my urge to just go gung ho and expect miracles. I need to go slow, be patient and realize that this is going to take some time. With your and God’s help, I am hopefull that I will have a marriage that will survive and even thrive.

Keep your fingers crossed and my family is your prayers, please. I need all the help I can get. BTW, I’m reading the DB book and boy is it chock full of amazing advice. A true eye opener.

Gina B