The first thing is he (himself) must see there is problem.then convincing him to get help.it doesn't mean he has to be on meds for the rest of his life.therapy is another good idea.I was in denial myself, sometimes it is hard for us to man up so to say.we don't want to look weak.but he needs to get it out.it was the only thing that pulled me up out of my rut.and I am no longer taking meds.as far as him with the children.it has to be hurting him although he won't show it it is.I still have a hard time seeing my kids,I see a lot of her in them and it hurts deep.but I have to get through it for them.hopefully in time it will pass for him.
as far as his anger and resentment towards you shrug it off it is his way of validating what he is doing.yes it hurts but don't let him see it.keep your chin up and keep trenching.
God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
I have to agree with both KD4 and Harpo. They both are giving you excellent advice. Believe those who are here longer when they tell you it is your H's guilt.
I made so many excuses for my H, but when it hits you smack dab in the face, you have to begin to understand that they are not being fair to you.
Yes, they have a right to move and change, but it does not make for a happy camper for those of us on the other side -- the LBS. Never forget that we are all here for a reason.
If God does not reveal it to you immediately, it is because he knows you cannot handle it. He only gives you as much as you can handle. I truly believe this!
I went to see my priest today. I revealed information I have just recently received. And my priest confirmed to me that it was God's hand that made this information available to me, at this time. If I had it a year ago, I would not have been able to handle it. Trust me when I tell you these things.
As far as your H's letter to your D, and his words, "D, I will be in contact with you. I will not call your mother's phone. Sone how some way we will talk I promise you." I am not sure what he means by that.
People told me the following many times, and I never understood it until recently: You are his wife and you know him better than anyone else. You are in the best position to interpret what he means.
Now hear this: Trust yourself. Quiet your thoughts as best you can. And, listen to the still small voice in your ear, to see if you can find your own answer to your question. Often that voice is God talking to you. Pay attention and pray!
Yes, they are in counseling. Guilt and resentment for what? He is the one that left and has made NO attempt to even talk civil for the past 3 months. It has been over 10 months now and like I said right back to the old mean self as soon as he stopped taking meds again. Don't know what I ever did?
There may be other guilt in his life that you are not aware of. Maybe he has resentment, although not justified towards you for who knows what in his mind. I'm not saying you are guilty of anything. But in his mind, maybe he thinks things because he has a different perception of things.
I just think a lot of times the WAS has both guilt for what they have done, and resentment towards their S for whatever reason. I know this was the case with my W. I don't know if she any longer feels guilt. But she sure has a lot of resentment towards me, and a lot of it was/is justified.
I don't know enough about yours and his history to know. But he obviously perceives things differently than you do for him to act that way towards you. I'd say keep praying that God shows him and you the footsteps to His glory.
How are you doing today? Are you able to focus on other things at all? What kind of changes are you making for yourself?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Thank you Poet, Kevin, and harpo for everything. Harpo how long did it take you to figure out something was wrong? I understand about the man thing and I've read and read about how men hate to admit there is something wrong. But I just feel so helpless! In the beginning of our separation I did all the wrong things as far as DBusting. The begging, pleading, telling him he needed to get back on meds. and get help and now I'm really afraid it is too late.
I'm putting it in God's hands because he is the only one that can fix my H. And I pray and pray every day that he makes contact with me or the kids. I just can't believe all of this has happened to us. Just 1 week before he left he was kidding around with D12 saying that once she's in college that mommy and daddy are going to retire and buy an RV and travel. And not to call us we will call her. And he was laughing and joking.
I have no idea what he means.....I really don't. And I know, I get told that I know him best but I really don't know this person he became. I don't know what to think at all. At first I thought he would be back within 3 months since this is the second time he has done this....leaving. That was 12yrs. ago and back then he went to talk to a priest that he knew and was told he needed to go to counseling and such because the priest felt he was suffering from depression. And yep, he was and realized it and got help. He was gone for 2 1/2 months but this time he got his family involved and has told sooo many lies and caused everyone to argue and fight, I just don't see how anyone can fix this. Only God can fix this now! But God has a lot of worse things on his plate then my M. I do pray and pray like I said above but then I feel selfish for praying for my M when the world has so many issues that are a lot worse!
Lost, God cares for you always. He is big enough to take care of the rest of the world AND you. Remember that.
I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know." I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, "I know."
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Thank you so much! I'm sitting here crying after I read your post! You gave me some hope, I'm so damn confused. I have no family and my IL were all I had and they told me for the past 10yrs. I was the best thing that ever happened to H. And now because of all of H's lies and stuff they don't even call D12 or S18.
They were all me and the kids had and he took them with him too.
Hi Lost- Your post caught my eye as my husband won't contact me either. My heart goes out to you. Your family is in my prayers.
This did make me think about my own situation and the possibility that my husband may be suffering from some kind of depression. You have received some great advice on here and it has given me a lot to think about.
I don't know if we're allowed to post links in here, so a mod can delete if necessary.
I have watched this video 50 times....even bought the CD and listen to it all the time. This is a Christian band called Third Day and so many of their songs have carried me during my separation. Hope this helps you as much as it has me.
