Here is another resource, tristan. It might be helpful for you in trying to sort out your own feelings. I have this book, and it has helped ME a lot, (for one thing even though I go to Al Anon and love it, there is a portion of it that doesn't sit right with me, and he really gets into that as well, on the issue of detachment and what that means. And detachment is talked about a lot here but can be confusing to many)
This guy was married to a borderline...although she didn't meet the criteria for a full diagnosis, she "just" had tendencies. But that can be enough.
One reason so many of us are continually saying that you want to make sure her meds are as stabilized as possible..is that it WILL give you a better picture of things. BPD CANNOT be treated with medication. Bipolar can. Of course, a person can also be both.
I agree with Kettricken...all this stuff about exposure at work, etc etc..is getting off the real track of what's happening here. Why get dragged into or start a bunch of drama with unknown consequences when there is already enough drama to go around? One thing at a time. IMO.
What control does Tristan have over his wife's meds and making sure they are as stabilized as possible. I'm sure he has as much influence on that as he does on his wife's other actions. I've even known some women who will stop taking their "meds" (anti-depressants) because quite a few of those drugs tend to promote weight gain - WAW's with depression dealing with distorted body images would rather keep their weight gain to a minimum than take their required med's.
Unless you plan to have her hospitalized where she is force fed her med's, you have no control over her meds and her stabilization. Tristan you are also to close to her, don't bother mentioning anything that the IC told you, the doctor told you about her condition, etc. She will just consider it in some form or fashion a way of you trying to control her and get her back and this will drive her away even further.
She is in love with her feelings right now - this much I am sure of, she is in love with them so much that she will follow them to their ultimate conclusion whatever that is.
Tristan what you want and what you communicate to her are a polar opposite of her feelings and she will side with them over you any day of the week, at least that is how she currently feels.
