She is now resisting your kisses, do you see she knows the power & hold she has over you, never mind the spoken word, body language is much more powerful & revealing. She is also toying with you, looking at you to get a rise from you, saying words like "handsome" to give you a false sense of security and then she pulls the floor out from underneath you.
Robx, I cannot tell you how deeply disturbing I find it that you would chip in like an all-wise deity with assessments like this about someone who is *diagnosed and being medicated for mental illness, and not mild depression either*. No, it doesn't "excuse" infidelity. But do ya think there just might be a chance that her responses might NOT fit neatly into a WAS script?
Tristan. Dude. This is a situation beyond the facile advice of anonymous people on the internet. You never deserved this -- nobody does -- and I feel deeply for you. For the sake of yourself and your whole family, I would urge you to seek the advice of a mental health professional. Both to gain (further) insight into your wife's condition and capabilities, the effects of her medications, etc, and to get some support to help keep *you* on an even keel during this horrible time. No, it's not fair, but you gotta be the adult here. Getting overly clingy, involving the OP's spouse, falling apart yourself ... frankly, you just can't afford to. Your kids need at least one parent to be stable. Get whatever help you need to get there. My prayers are with you.
Deeply disturbing, why? You want to be deeply sympathetic towards his wife while she finds herself, has an affair with OM, asks for dissolution of marriage and uses her depression as a crutch for her behaviors.
I think she is doing most of the things that fit "neatly" into the WAS script. She feels guilty for what she's doing but still does it. The infamous "I love you but I'm not in love with you but I feel like I'm in love with the OM". The OM is exciting to me and you aren't. The need to separate & move out, flaunting & discussing her meetings with the OM, mention of a convenient "open apartment" that the OM has.
I guess I'm wrong, none of the above fits "neatly" into the WAS script, all of this stuff is pretty unique, I don't think we've heard any of this before.
Yes his wife has depression, possibly bi-polar, possibly anxiety. She's on medication. She is functional, she is still a parent, still an employee who apparently is excelling at work. She still sees the OM, she's even been juggling attempting to show affection for Tristan out of guilt while still admitting spending time with the OM and looking at Tristan for some sort of reaction from him, some type of leadership or boundary that says "enough is enough!". Since she is able to maintain all of these higher-level functions and on top of that willingly see a psychiatrist and discuss her feelings and her actions and it doesn't appear that she is suffering from memory loss at all during all of this, can we not grant her responsibility of her actions or is she really so incapacitated that we must take away all of her responsibility in this.
Am I allowed to still call her an adult even though her actions are immature and hurtful towards Tristan and their family? I think so but then again maybe that's me.
I'm not an all wise deity. Am I an expert, nope. I have spent the last 2 years of my life heavily investing in a personal education of human nature and psychology. I don't have my degree... yet ;-)
My opinions are just that, opinions.
Tristan appears to be asking for help. Telling him to sympathize with his wife's conditions & actions while neglecting his own personal value & self-respect in all of this in MY opinion isn't helping him much.
I could say "Hang in there Tristan, in the end you'll still be the better person!"
Or I can give him some tough love (and it hasn't been that tough yet), a kick in the pants, help him up when he falls and show him how to help himself up when he falls again the next time. I can tell him when he's acting insecure and it's affects on himself and his wife and why he should stop it. I can offer him some insight on the education I wish I had 10 years ago. He can choose to use the information and he can choose to disregard it, he has free will, much like his wife.
Kettricken, reading the last few parts of your post, not sure what I said that was so different from what you posted.
