Since I write so much, I thought I would try to contain it all over here. LOL
Yes, that has been one of my biggest things all along. The old M is dead and it is about creating a new one. Too bad our H's may not see it that way.
I too had that sort of cycle with H. Different but same. That is why I had to really find me again. In some ways though, I now have anger with H if he leaves and I have to start doing all of that for myself again. But only time will tell. Since I have a habit if just fixing everything, having him do it, although sometimes it feels almost like I am forcing him (no nagging, no repeat asking, no frustration), it is what I have to do for me. He will either accept it or not. Of course, I know he sort of doesn't understand, but that is ok.
My son, he is dealing. We have a wonderful R. He talks to me. He is actually the one who said MLC first. Then I heard it from others. He has much anger with his father. As I posted before, they have physically fought. He hurts. But his eyes are so wide open. I wish H's were that wide open considering the damage he is causing. But my S knows that mom will always be here no matter what and that mom will always take care of him no matter what. We have fun again. I honestly don't know where I would be without my S. That is something wonderful that has come out of all of this. Of course, he is a typical teenager, with typical behavior, but I am blessed because he has learned what his father and I have been trying to teach him all of his life. I am afraid though because this really is the time when a boy needs his father and I, having no brothers, have no clue, beyond the technical stuff, about what is going on with him. When this all started, he was more your S's age. He was very hurt. Very hurt by everything. He could not understand why someone would just give up. He still can't understand that. But he is learning that you don't quit. He says he is also learning how not to treat people that you love. He doesn't understand how his father could be so blind that he has someone who loves him as much as I do. He sees the things that I do that, at least to my S, show love. He is a very insightful kid.
It breaks my heart but all I can do is be here for my S. I do share with H things that S says to me, but whether H gets it or not, who knows.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
