Well, Cat, the phrase "drop the rope" is used here a lot. I take it to mean-correct me if I`m wrong-just not fighting so much for the M. Give the WAS plenty of leash. Relax,chill have fun while you`re at it.
I should have dropped the rope a long time ago in the M. With the housework, the kids, everything. Just minded me more.So being submissive as the Bible mentions, I take to mean at least not feel you have to be in charge all-or any-of the time.
Defer to H. I`d like to hear guys opinions on this though.What really makes them feel good about themselves? Apparently I wouldn`t know as my therapist(bless her heart) said yesterday I wouldn`t know how to love a real man!
Actually I think I should start a separate thread on that one. Only real men need respond of course!!
But to get to your question re our mutual attration...My therapist reckons I fell for the pain in H as it made me feel superior(Hey, I can fix him!). She hit the nail on the head. Can you hear the bitch in me that felt superior to H right from Day one? Can you hear to low self esteem place I was at so that I needed someone weaker to make me feel good?
That started a spiral of H feeling inferior, believing he was inferior-heck, being told by me! he was inferior. Then him getting waaay to angry. Me not listening. Him lashing out. Then feeling sorry for himself. I me feeling sorry for him too. And I can fix him. And off we go again.
Some merry go round.
Break that?
Well, we`ve broken the anger. I shut the f*** up and listened. Didn`t agree enough. But at least I listened.
Setting boundaries on how he could talk to me forced him to be more articulate.
Me calming my anxiety made him feel safer to talk to me.
Now we`re in the sympathy zone. Everything H has said-bury me in my homeplace, my BP is high, so and so had a heart attack, mother is annoyed at me, I`ve fallen out with ppl at work.
I`ve literally squeezed his heart(made a vegetable out of him, according to my therapist...) and now he`s in pain.
But its imperative that I DO NOT HELP. I CANNOT FIX HIM!
So hey, I`m chipping away at this with baby steps. Right now all those steps are for me. My step now is to feel the guilt, own my part in this mess, and be ready to agree with H next time he says anything.
Really Cat, its about changing this into a whole new different marriage-and that`s only if H doesn`t bail out soon.I`m not worried about what attracted us in the begining-all friendships change with time anyhow.
