So, anyone ever have a day where they think "I didn't sign up for this?"
Yeah, I'm doing better, yeah I'm standing up for myself, yeah I'm leading him, yeah yeah yeah. I don't want to have to be vigilant about "standing up for myself," I don't want to navigate every single thing he can't handle, I don't want to constantly have to "manage" this situation. I just want to live life. I tell myself every marriage has problems...but it just feels like I have a life sentence being shackled to this person with mental issues that WON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. So it's up to ME to make up for it all the time. I don't want to be his damn therapist, I don't like having to GO to therapy to cope with HIM because he WON'T. Even though things have improved it's still ME doing the work, ME trying to manage the fallout of his utter childishness. It's a fulltime job. It's unequal, unfair, and it's never going to change...the circumstances can improve, but fundamentally that's only if I "do my job" successfully and manage him and the situation correctly. Is that what life's supposed to be about?? I would like to be able to relax sometimes, you know. In my own home, with my own family. But my H is too much of a headcase for me to ever be able to do that.
I'm venting because I just feel so aggravated right now. I know have to keep working on it, because I have to stand in the gap between him and the kids every day, and if we weren't together, I can't imagine how hard it would become for them.
