I've lurked on this board for about a month now, but this is my first post. My wife and I separated almost 2 months ago. We are both in individual counseling and are dealing with our issues (I have been emotionally and verbally abusive, which closed her spirit and forced her to shut down emotionally). We have 2 small children and I know she loves them and me. And I love her too.
I am making genuine changes (emotionally, spiritually and physcially) and have been doing the 180 for about 2-3 weeks now. But I have a strong suspicion that my wife is doing a 180 too.
But I have a strong suspicion that my wife is doing a 180 too.
You have no control over her actions. She can do whatever she wants. You need to be aware of her actions in case she crosses a boundary. You only control your emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions.
Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, Don't get side-tracked by focusing on what she is doing.
Keep posting. Deal with your issues. Look up a poster named "Antlers" and read his thread story.
You can handle it.
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You have no control over her actions. She can do whatever she wants. You need to be aware of her actions in case she crosses a boundary. You only control your emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions.
Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, Don't get side-tracked by focusing on what she is doing.
Keep posting. Deal with your issues. Look up a poster named "Antlers" and read his thread story.
You can handle it.
Coach
Coach,
Thanks for responding. And I agree 100%....I do need to focus on me. And for the most part I am. I am doing much, much better than I was 2-3 weeks ago. I am exercising, reading, getting connection with church again, etc.
My wife made the decision to move out and has paid the price healthwise (lost weight, not sleeping, etc). I know this because we have kids and I see her 1-2 times a week. Also we're seeing the same counsler and he has told me in as many words that my W is having a tough time (but she did want the separation).
But she is putting on a brave face...tells me things are good....when she talks to the kids, she's upbeat, etc. I only say she might be doing a 180 because these are some of the same things I am doing.
Hi there, Sorry you are here...but we're a great bunch. What do you mean? Can you give examples of your 180's and some of her suspected 180's?
Yes, I've read a lot of threads and it's comforting to know (in a weird way) that I'm not the only one dealing with this.
My 180's.....GAL, working out, spending time with friends, no begging/pleading, no talk about R, NC (unless it deals with the kids), focusing 100% on myself and kids, etc.
Her....basically same as above, plus putting on a very brave face and making me think she is doing fine, moving forward, etc.
Again, not sure if she is doing the 180, but it sure looks like it. And funny how it's got me thinking. Just goes to show the 180 works...lol.
