Went to bed at 3. Nathan woke up at 2:00, crying. So I went against our rule and let him get in my bed. When I got in he was tossing/turning/crying. Wonder if his teeth were hurting from the dentist.
He proceeded to bury his knees in my lower back the duration of the night. I kept moving away and he would just roll closer. I am so tired!!
Around 3:30 (still awake) I was suddenly hit with a thought. Did I ever matter to my husband? I can remember so many times when we were 'together', the way he would talk to me, say my name so sweetly, he could sound so loving and happy...
But in hindsight, I wonder, was I special?
Don't 2x4 me, I am not talking self-esteem, ego boost. I know I am a valuable person. I mean, to him.
Was I all the things he said i was to him? Best friend, lover, listening ear, loving touch, etc etc. Or was I just a means to an end?
Did I matter more than the girls in the magazines, the movies, the strip clubs, more than ow?
Don't know why that should occur to me now, when I have decided I will just accept him being done and get this whole thing over with. But, it does matter to me.
