UPSIDE DOWN and struggling badly.

[Eskimo Nell]

JCJ - a hug would mean that he still wants to be 'close' to me. He was offering hugs up until a few weeks ago but would always ask 'do you want a hug', expecting me to go to him, rather than him initiate the hug. When I got one, it felt weak and when I commented, he merely said "well, my loyalties are somewhere else now", so I stopped going to him. Since then, no hugs. If he were to come and hug me, it would be such a 'baby step' in the right direction. I just want to know that his enchantment with OW is waning ... but I know him and I know that he will do his utmost now to make that R work, in spite of me.

I can't think of anything else that he does at the moment to evoke the same feeling but I do know that he has a lot of love for me still ... it's just the ILYBNILWY scenario. He has not stopped caring, even in his nasty moments, of that I feel confident.

I have not read 5 Love Languages but will look it up at the library tomorrow. Thanks!

Will happily accept any help in preparing for next week! No usual routine to his interaction - well, maybe. He normally sorts out any practicalities, plays with the cats for a bit and then sits down to a cup of tea with me and turns up the heat for me to pay bills/mortgage/agree to marketing the house. Maybe some chat, if the mood is OK but generally it hasn't been until last Friday. He has asked if I plan to co-operate in selling the house but I felt forced to say yes, even though I absolutely will not sell yet. My fear is that he will take away his financial support and then I will be forced out. He's not stupid and knows exactly how I would react - we know each other far too well ... even to the point of being able to finish one another's sentences and buying each other the same greetings cards, when life was good!

Does he really 'just start a fight' at the end? It may be his way of coping so it is easier for him to leave (never say that to him!!!). Or, do you do anything clingy that draws him to initiate those actions. (Don't know how to do the quote thing)! Yes, he does just start a fight out of nowhere! It amazed us both last week but not in previous weeks. I have said that to him before but that was in my naiive days .. I'm starting to cotton on now, even though I'm still not very good at it. I fear that I have always been clingy but he has seen the opposite side of me too ... I just wish that I could find a consistent middle ground of ambivalence ...

I did not react last week - he was kind enough to text and let me know that he was running late and I replied, saying that was fine and thanked him for letting me know, so something had started sinking in about DB'ing! It does feel good when you get it right, perhaps that should be my yardstick to measure against. You are right though - I have to stop reacting emotionally.

Thanks again for your great advice - it's so good to know that you are not alone. I only went out to hang out some laundry and when I got back, the advice was here! How can we be alone when the service is this good??!!!