Rays of hope - thaw approaching?

[Dawn of Hope]

Mac,
I am having a little trouble interpreting these exchanges, between text-speak (I don't do texting) and unfamiliar slang. But if I am getting the gist correctly, it sounds like you are pursuing her, sending hugs she doesn't reciprocate, defending yourself (when she unloads about all of your sins like a spoiled teenager), and trying to "take care" of her. Am I going to have to come down there and slap your wrist?

I'm sorry, but I have to break out a 2x4 here. Just stop all that right now! Don't tell her you have changed, or that she is confused about you. Talk like that means nothing to her at best, and will just make her angrier at worst. You have to _prove_ that you are a better person by your actions. Yes, it takes a lot longer, but there's no shortcut, because your words will not convince her right now. She has to see it--and consistently, for an extended period--to believe it.

If it is not urgent, not business that has to be dealt with...IGNORE it (if it's in person, just listen and validate). If she sends an irritated or frivolous message, and you don't respond, it creates mystery, which is a good thing, and also prevents you from saying something you shouldn't, which is also a good thing. A closed mouth gathers no feet! Obviously you don't want to let it go on long enough to make her think you have died or something, but seriously, Mac, make yourself less available, and stop participating in her drama!

Listen and validate. Validating does not mean agreeing with her about a point on which you think she is wrong, it just means to indicate that you heard her. If you feel that she has a valid complaint, acknowledge it and apologize, but do not make excuses; just say something like, "You're right. I was wrong, and I am very sorry that I hurt you." Then STOP TALKING and let her vent some more, rather than try to make excuses for your behavior or tell her how different things will be in the future.

For times when you don't agree with her criticism of you, or her complaints aren't directly about you, memorize these phrases:
I'm sorry to hear that.
I understand why you would feel that way.
I can see how difficult that would be for you.

Detach (this takes a lot of practice). Drop the rope. Let her spin, and stop letting her smallest action yank you around emotionally. You need to stop chasing after her and let her miss you, while still being polite and kind. It is a tightrope, and difficult especially in the beginning.

In response to her last text, I would be silent. If you feel you must respond, just say something like, "I'm sorry to hear that." If she wants to talk about it, you can listen. But you need to stop trying to solve all her problems for her. If she needs something from you, wait for her to ask.

And be careful what you say to other people, because if you are trying to have a DB attitude with her (happy, calm, upbeat, GAL), it will be totally negated if you don't have it with anyone who is likely to talk to her, because she WILL hear about it.

I apologize if I have totally misunderstood the gist of the exchanges, but this is what I see. I hope this helps!

Take care of yourself.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn