Sorry you find yourself here. But, this is a great place for support and advice.
Quote:
I'm also still really confused about the DB'ing techniques - I know that other newbies struggle too. I just can't help but feel like I am playing in to his hands at the moment. H is no longer living with me and yet I can feel him moving further away when I have no contact with him?? I have no 'excuse' at the moment to contact him and yet I know that my silence is just what he wants ... I'm trying so hard to BELIEVE in DB but I feel like I am getting nowhere fast and H is the only one who is getting what he wants.
A few observations. You don't know what your H is thinking - you are trying to read his mind, which will only drive you further into an emotional mess. Stop.
Also, focus on what you can control - YOU. You have NO CONTROL over your H. If you thought you ever did, you were mistaken. So, work on YOU for YOU and not any other reason. Work on doing things for yourself, GAL'ing and building up your self confidence. But this work has to be about improving YOU, not saving your M. We are all here b/c our M's have taken a wrong turn, many did not see coming (myself included). We do not get to choose what happens with our M's. All we can do is work on improving ourselves for the better and see if our spouses wake up to the reality that we ARE the best things for them. If they don't, then it's their loss.
Sounds like right now, you should occupy yourself with stuff you want to do this weekend. Just enjoy doing things you have wanted to do but never had the chance.
As far as you struggling to believe in DB'ing, I think it is more about believing in YOU. What I have learned about DB'ing is that the end goal is not to save a M. It is to make us better, stronger people. Only when we have improved ourselves can we expect any positive change in our M.
So, the question is, do you believe in yourself? If not, why not? If not, what changes do you need to make to believe in the one person you can control - you?
