Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[Dawn of Hope]

FG,
I think the hardest part of therapy is when the therapist steps on your toes enough to force you to face some truths about yourself that you have been avoiding. Maybe she is not right about everything she said, but you have to at least consider the possibility for each item and face it. Ministers can have this effect in their sermons sometimes too. Working on ourselves and becoming better people can be painful sometimes.

I have also read "The Surrendered Wife" and found it to have some merit, although I believe the author specifies clearly that the approach she is advocating is only to be used with a H who actually cares about your well-being and is at least moderately emotionally healthy (not abusive, etc.). I think in general it's questionable whether those things apply to WAHs, so operating under the principles the author advocates is iffy for many of us here in DB-land. I certainly don't believe that my H puts my needs anywhere close to on par with his own, especially since he has been pushing for me to literally commit suicide.

The other thing I want to mention is for anyone who believes that the Bible says that husbands are the boss of their wives, and wives are to obey their husbands. I have a book written by a minister (a married man, of my own denomination, by the way) which makes a good case that Ephesians 5 was NOT intended to be taken that way at all, going back to the original form of common Greek in which the epistle was written and carefully analyzing the wording.

If you are willing to at least entertain the possibility that Paul was actually advocating a more equal status between husband and wife, check out "What Paul REALLY Said About Women," by John Temple Bristow. My H, who is a lifelong Catholic (at least until MLC made him run from religion), and who (pre-MLC) was easygoing but NOT anybody's pushover, used to use this book to help explain to our fundamentalist friends why the popular Christian belief that husbands are supposed to be in charge is all wrong (part of the reason I M him!). When I read this book (and others the author wrote with similar themes), a lot of things that had bothered me about apparent inconsistency in the Bible just fell into place, and it made my faith stronger. I was never comfortable with the idea that God said I had to follow another person's orders simply because he was an outie and I was an innie!

Just breathe, FG. Then you can start processing this, bit by bit.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn