It seems to me that the biggest thing you can work on R wise is trying to break the cycle of anger that you both seem to feed. In my opinion, the problem isn't really things like how the house is, it's more how you both react to it. Since you can't control his reaction, any change has to start though you. The, hopefully, he changes his actions as well.
I'd also say that listening to him does not mean listening to him yell at you. I would be mightily tempted to say, "H, I want to hear what you have to say, and to discuss it. But I will not be yelled at this way. IF you want to talk about xyz, I'll be in the next room." Of course, how can you say that while he is yelling? I've never heard of this, so it may be a whacky idea.... how about preparing a note in advance? When he starts yelling, hand him the note, and leave the room. If the two of you can communicate with respect, maybe there can be progress.
