I see so many similarities as far as the cheating, porn addicition, cheating, victim mentality, lashing out.
This is a man in extreme pain, and in order to avoid getting to the bottom of it, he uses his A's, strippers, porn to soothe himself. Does he drink/drug?
Unfortunately, you've been drawn into this unhealthy relationship, and he is very dependent on the dynamic he has with you. He is afraid of losing you, afraid of being with you, afraid, afraid, afraid. He's dealing from a place of pain and fear -- not a good place to be in.
I like him to a plane in a holding pattern, circling the airport. Going in circles, and he thinks he's getting somewhere just because he's moving, but he's not getting anywhere.
Until you detach from him, you're not getting anywhere either. You're stuck in the holding pattern with him. You need to be moving forward, for you and for your children.
The reason I referred to him being dangerous, because my X snapped when I finally had enough. Started stalking me, threatening me, he was drinking heavily, and heavily armed. It went on for months, and only when one of my friends (police officer) went and told him to knock it off, or I'd get a restraining order. And how ugly that would be, could lose his job, etc.
I don't have all the answers, just be very careful. Dan is a narcisstic, misogynist - has he ever been diagnosed -- personality disorder??
Are you getting C? I know how the stripper, porn crap tears you down and messes with your body image and sexuality. For heaven's sake, I'm a 32E and my H wanted me go get IMPLANTS, so I'd look more like his fave porn star/stripper, whatever. They make us feel that there's something wrong w/us - and THERE IS NOT! And someone who treats you so cruelly has very little care or concern for you.
Has he ever pressured you to have sex w/other couples or men? That was the end for me. Actually, mine told me he'd like to watch someone rape me. Nice, and that's with him knowing that I was sexually assaulted, strangled and left for dead when I was 18.
He's using you, you're one of his "addictions".
I'm praying for you and yours.
And I hope that you're feeling great about you. You're doing well, you're getting there.
Sorry to post so long - your sitch is bringing back some things that I'm working hard to put FIRMLY behind me.
Hopefully the next time I post, it'll be as FashionBarbie!!!
