So now what? Right now, part of me wants to believe that there is some internal struggle for her. That maybe she'll regret it - someday. The other part looks at this and thinks, "dude, wake up. She's gone and is showing no signs of looking back. This isn't a shot in the dark for her. She has already made plans that do not include you."

I know that me trying to make sense of this is like trying to catch the wind. I won't ever know why, really, unless she decides to tell me. I will make every effort to stop trying to figure it out and continue to work on me. I'm a great guy. I know my street value. smile I deserve better than this.

But tonight. Tonight. It feels like I just got run over by a bus. And one that I saw coming. My emotions are all over the place. I know I did everything possible to make this work, but tonight ... I feel cheated. And my heart just hurts. I know it will get better. But not tonight.