The update: She was waiting when I got there. I'm my usual dapper self. Told her she looked nice ... no response. There was this poster in the waiting room that she went on and on about. We talked about work a bit. We do the paper exchange with the court lady. We agree on everything, submit the appropriate forms, bing bang boom, on Oct 8th this will all be official. It was all very emotionless. It took all of 20 minutes.
We walk out together and nobody is saying anything. She just stops in the middle of the sidewalk and tells me she is going to this store across the street. Ok. The play by play is short ... M: I'm sorry it has come to this. It seems like such a waste. W: I'm sorry too. <long pause> M: I'm not mad that you want out. Well I am mad that you want out but I can deal with that. I just don't understand how we've gotten to this point. W: We've been talking about this all along. M: No we haven't. The last time we talked, you said you wanted things to work out with us. Now, all of a sudden it's just over. There is no discussion; no nothing. It's like you decided months ago and just got around to telling me. W: We've talked this into the ground. M: I just wanted to walk away knowing we tried everything possible. W: You don't think that? M: No, i do not. W: Well, I do. <long pause> M: Well, I guess this is goodbye then. Take care of yourself. She then hugs me and we part ways.
The only emotion I saw from her was when she hugged me. I could tell that she was about to lose it. Other than that it was like I was talking to a stranger. Now earlier, when we left the court lady, W asked her about the poster. W is all animated and into the discussion with this total stranger. like they are long lost sisters or something. She is about to leave me forever, and I get absolutely no response from her.
I decided to roll with me today. I can't decide if I totally blew all the Db principles with our little convo in the street, but I couldn't just walk away in good conscience without saying SOMETHING about how I think this is a waste of unbelievable potential. I'm bouncing back and forth between being ridiculously sad and absolutely furious.
I'm not mad that she wants to leave. Well I am, but that is not my main issue right now. I know that I'll be fine without her. I can exist just fine without her. I value myself enough to know that I deserve to be treated better than I have been. I'm mad at the way she left. I don't understand how someone can just walk away after 7 years together with just a "take care," like I'm an afterthought. How do you DO that? I don't understand how you don't even TRY to make it work. And that is the bottom line, for me, I think. Through all of this I have been offering to do absolutely anything to make it work. I volunteered to move anywhere in the world, quit my job, whatever it took. Since this all started, she hasn't even had tried to call me - for anything. Talk all you want, but how do you not TRY yourself? I know in her head she thinks she tried ... but really? How do you convince yourself you did? This didn't happen TO us.
