But, as she never felt the connection with her parents, she didn't find it with me either.
Sounds like a big bunch of crap to me. She clearly is connected to you from things you say, but if she's depressed you can't feel connected to anyone. You feel kind of numb and it's hard to love or feel connected to anyone.
I don't see why that would have caused you to lose hope. It sounds like you both have stuff to work on to me, like all of us. I think you should commit yourself to working on the part you can control, which is working on your stuff. Is your wife doing anything to deal with her depression: IC, ADs, etc?
