I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Thanks guys!

Jeff, hanging out with my brothers was a huge deal because you have got the dynamics correct. So it was a big deal for me and it really made my day. It was nice, reminded me of the good old days when all 3 of us would go to the movies or malls together, before life got complicated. But I'm grateful for that time and I'm sure I'll be doing it again some time soon!!

So I've started packing (I never knew this day would come so quick!) a little bit but its too hot. Sweat is just pouring off me I have to take a rest after each box. Other than that, just been doing stuff that keeps me busy.

I'm a bit bummed. No plans this weekend. I think everyone's got plans with their significant others. BLAH. I need to be friends with more single people hehe. But thats alright, I'm sure I'll be able to find something to do.

Life is just going fantastic at the moment and because I feel so great about it, I'm so terrified of it all falling apart again. I know I can't think that way at all, its not good for me to. I just have to learn how to deal with anything that might come my way. Since I haven't had contact with X for awhile, I've been really good. I dont think of him as much as I used to, not nearly as much at all in fact!, I don't wait to hear from him, I don't snoop, I don't...care to be quite honest. What I do care about though, and what I'm worried about the most, is that I won't be able to handle it if and when he does contact me again.

At this point, I don't want to hear from him, I don't want to speak to him, I don't want to see him. I really don't. I just want to go on with my life the way it is because its so good right now. But I know how much of a struggle it was to get to this point and I am so much more protective of my happiness than I ever was before. I will never let anyone take that away from me again. I'm not fully, fully happy within, of course not. It'll take awhile to reach that stage, but I am happy enough for the time being, and there's no way I am even letting it slip away from me, not even a little bit. I just gets better and better from here. Contact or no contact. It doesn't matter. I have control over myself and anything negative that may occur in the next while will not impact my overall mood and happiness.

Even though my divorce wasn't "busted," I am still a success. I am choosing not to pursue the R/M anymore because I just don't want to be with someone who can do what he has done to me. Who knows what will happen in the future. All I know now, is that I want to have fun, be happy, live life, be young. I don't want/need X to be happy. So far from it. And I am so, so proud of myself for being able to say that and truly believe it.

Thanks to Michelle, thanks to everyone on the boards for helping me through this tough time. I will always be grateful and I hope people reading this will see that happiness, true inner happiness, is the most important thing in a relationship, in any relationship. Without that, you're relying on the other person to make you happy. That's not what its about. So when everyone endlessly tells you to GAL and do things that make yourself happy, please take the advice. It is the best piece of advice that I have ever received.