UPSIDE DOWN and struggling badly.

[Eskimo Nell]

Hi Oz,
No preference on name - it's only a screen name anyhow, so I certainly wouldn't get offended!

I chuckled that your H is curious about your computer activity - at least he cares enough to see what you are doing?!

Glad that you found a few interesting groups on the site - I guess that it would make sense now to see where you are going to be living and then make your plans around that. How is your packing going along? Are you travelling OK overall?

Thanks for the validation on getting the boots! I have been having second thoughts, I might say. Still, as predicted, I knew that I would come crashing down today and so am not really in the mood to go get them ... unless things change by lunch time. I was so excited checking my email this morning - I was almost sure the H would have found my message of yesterday far too humourous to ignore, but nothing from him this morning. I was devestated and now all the negative feelings have come rolling back in.

I am sure that you can identify with that, with your H having gone off for the weekend already. I know what you are saying about not being able to see results from the DB'ing at the moment. I felt that my email was the first real 180 and now that appears not to thave worked, I am so disappointed.

I am keen to do the same as you in not initiating conversation - I really wanted to speak to him last night and ask if he is coming down over the weekend but the only thing that stopped me was that he may have said that he had 'other plans' (meaning the OW is back on the scene?) and so the thought of that was what finally stopped me. I have been happier thinking that she is no longer around and so I need to cling on to that thought. May be the only thing that saves me from breaking the NC rule!

How are you fixed in terms of financially supporting yourself? Will you be able to finance your new place without support from your H - in essence, are you working? That's what troubles me is that my H will carry out his threat of withdrawing financial support whilst I am still struggling to get work. He has even said that I should consider moving interstate so that I can find work. How cruel is that? He knows that I love my home and that I am a real 'Cancer the Crab' on holding on to my domestic bliss. You can't help who you are - you can't change your make-up or the fabric of your life, just because WAS is in MLC. I know if he heard anyone else make such a comment, he would have berated them for it.

If your house move goes as well as my mammogram did, you will have nothing to fear, thank you for asking after me!! I trust that you will get the news today that you are hoping for. It will be interesting to see how your H reacts to that - does he have somewhere to go? I think that you are so brave in moving without your H - I fear that chapter the most of all. I know that my H is not here now but whilst we have the house, I still have something to be hopeful for in that he is still linked to me. Not having kids means that he has totally gone when the house does too. I am so scared that time is passing and he is getting more impatient with me to market our home.

I've just decided that I am going to go get those boots so that's an hours drive for me shortly! The alternate is sitting in the house in my pyjamas all day, as that's just how I feel. I'm not giving in to this and so will get the boots then go get some coffee and sit on the foreshore in the hope of seeing the dolphins that I spotted last Saturday!

Will check back later and see if you have had any news about the rental - good luck if it's what you REALLY want! I think that you will make such big inroads to YOU when, and if, you move and get settled. Take care and be kind to yourself.