I usually doesn't follow this forum, but for some strange reason I did today....I was greatly rewarded. Not in that my situations mirrors yours, but I see in you what I might have become. You want experiences of men in your situation...here is one. I met a friends mother a few years ago (about your wife's age)and was taken back by her disregard for her husband. This woman, in front a me... a stranger, bragged about how she had not had sex with her husband (second marriage) for over 10 years and had used sex to get to his money. Then, knowing my situation, preceded to flirt with me the rest of the day. What makes even more interesting, her husband waits on her hand and foot. Does that sound familiar...is that what you want? I can GUARANTEE your wife has no respect for you and is just glowing in the easy life you have made for her. You might think it is not that easy for her....but she does.
You noted how your current wife finally started understanding your relationship with your 1st wife. I think you noted that was about ten years into your relationship or about 12 years ago. It is strange that it lines up with the start of your serious lack of sex. I would say your wife didn't understand...she gave up. Women are much more emotional and a tune to such things. She finally said "enough" to your apparent love for your first wife. I know you will disagree, but it is the obvious truth that you still love your 1st wife and a truth you need to accept. It is in almost all of your posts. You refer to how incredible it was and still apparently get validation from your 1st wife. I would get sick of hearing about an ex-love over and over again...being compared too....just knowing that my spouse was comparing us constantly in their mind.
In my opinion (I am not there to observe...and can only use your posts for a basis) that you are very emotionally closed and that has driven your current wife away. Here are the reasons you so desperately need;
1-I can guarantee you are an INTJ personality type..I won't explain farther because you know what that is 2-You are still in love with wife #1 3-You are a scientist or engineer-Logical interactions are your thing...emotions are illogical=disconnect from female mind 4-You are never wrong...you may say you are, but even when you post here about being wrong it is filled with a smugness that a woman will not forget or miss
You talk about confidence and how you succeed at things, but in the next sentence say your life isn't special, but ordinary. You have built a facade of self-confidence that we can all see through. From the little of YOUR life that you have exposed beyond your marriage, your life is anything but ordinary. You need to REALLY accept your accomplishments...not in a show of words...but in your mirror when you look at yourself.
On changing your relationship with your wife, I have no good advice. I would start by looking within and really determining your feelings for wife #1...I see it, but that doesn't matter. YOU HAVE TO SEE IT! You might have to change your mindset about fixing the problem also. You are attacking the situation like you would a broken power plant. You are expecting a specific outcome to an action....which in the logical world of science and engineering makes sense. The truth is that in the emotional world, most things aren't logical. The results of an action are not always the same. What works for one, might not work for another. You know Einstein's definition of insanity, yet you have been doing the same things for years...time to change!
