New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

Now a VENT!:

My S made it back from his trip to Colorado. I had lunch with him and he was pretty up about the whole thing and glad he went. I am glad he made it back in one piece.

Just at the end of lunch, though, he mentioned that we needed to have a discussion at another time. Real serious now, he said it is about a discussion he had with my M before he left.

I told him that if it was about H and I that it might be best we don't share that conversation. Then he said that he hadn't known until my M told him that my H said he only loved me like a S.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare she!!!!!!!!!!

I told him that that was a long time ago and that she had no right to tell him personal details that he didn't need to know. I reminded him that the two people in a R are the only two that know all the details and much of them are private.

He proceeded to tell me that I am acting so pathetic and I need to think. Again, WTF!!!!

Hold the freakin' phone! I kept my calm and cool and told him I am not stupid, I am not pathetic, and have never been stronger in my life. He tried to tell me that I was messed up in my thinking (and all I'm thinking at that moment was Thanks a lot, Mom) and that he has a right to look out for me.

At that point he cut me off and said that now he was too upset to discuss it, got in his car and left.

So, I'm sitting there in the parking lot and my first thought is to call my Mom and ream her but good. I have learned not to go with the first emotion that crosses my cranium, so I first called SMW to vent. The call was cut off but I managed to get out a little steam. (Darn cell phones.)

It is about a 45 minute drive to my parent's from where I was so I had time to think and plan. When I came there I told her about my conversation with S. I told her that neither my H nor I had shared a lot of details with S because it was neither necessary nor appropriate. All we had told him was that we loved each other and that we were going to work on things.

I told her that she had only known that he said that because I turned to her right after he said it and cried in her arms. That I had been able to turn to her, I thought, but that I learned I couldn't. This only reinforced to me that I have to be very selective what I share with her and it was sad.

She hadn't thought it was a secret and I hadn't told her not to tell S. I told her I hadn't told her not to tell S because I thought it was obviously not in his best interest to know everything. And, as hard as their R has been, that this would be one more reason for his S not to give his Dad a chance.

She did apologize and say she hadn't thought and that it felt like he should know. She is very worried about me and thinks I ought to just give my H a deadline and if he doesn't shape up, get it done.

You would have been proud of me because I did not drag her outside and run her over with the car.

I told her that no one, not even my Mother has a right to tell me when I was done. That my H made that statement a long time ago and so much has changed that she isn't privy to. I also added that it sure sounded like she wanted me to be D right then and there.

She proceeded to confirm that this has dragged on too long and she would like to see me D and able to move on and fall in love with someone else.

Again, I didn't wrap the cord to the blinds behind her around her neck until she turned blue.

Instead I reminded her that when my father had an A when I was 16, that we didn't know all the details because we shouldn't have. That at the time I thought she was stupid for giving him another chance. I wanted her to D him and have a chance to move on and fall in love with someone else. But, that it hadn't been my place to say that.

It was my M and D's choice and decision to stay together and work through it. And they did because they loved each other.

I told her I do not want you to be so full of hate that when, not if, my marriage is restored that I would not be able to be around my family with my H. That this whole thing, even though she doesn't want to see me hurt, is between my H and I.

She said she will never forgive H and will never be around him. I just quietly said that we all have choices to make M. I didn't choose this path, but I have never been stronger, more grounded or had my head straighter than I do right now. I love my family. I love my H.

I will continue to hold my head high. The only expectations I have right now are for myself. I said more than a few prayers on my drive home. My S is coming to the house tomorrow to give my car and oil change. I will pray that God gives me the words that express how I feel.

I'm not angry. In fact, I told my Mom you are entitled to have your opinions and to share "some" of them with me. I can't control her feelings. But I also told her that this is my choice, my M, my R, and if she loves me she will respect my position and NOT share her opinions with my S.

Wouldn't you know - she watches soap operas all day, every day. I reminded her that this isn't some show on TV, this is my life. My life that I am in control of.